Speculation & emotion will lightly appear because the main objective of this running log is to more easily help my loved ones understand the undercurrent of stress that has invaded our lives in the past 8 months. It was also advised by those who understand law. And so it goes....
I blogged about an attempted break-in at our new home in December 2015. That story, the one of the elderly woman living behind, is preface to understanding the situation we are in with an entirely different neighbor. The title of that blog begins with "Dementia..." and you can read that story right here. And there was a recent update here.
This neighbor, who lives not behind us but on our west-facing adjunct side, is much younger. She is probably in her early 60s. A chain link fence divided us (now a privacy fence also does), and we both went into our yards fairly often: let out pets, play with kids (for me), or to tend to yard. I did not hesitate to extend a friendly introduction. She seemed reserved but civil, and all was well for the first year we were here. Now as I sit here beginning this story I think about some of the interactions that happened early on. Though we weren't becoming close friends or even beyond acquaintances, everything was civil and kind enough. Best examples:
-In our third month in this home, tornado sirens went off. The news reported a tornado on the ground near Mustang & headed our way. Tanner immediately knocked on her door and offered our basement. He says she seemed stunned but grateful, and declined the offer.
-She often inquired about my growing belly. Her otherwise fairly flat affect semi-softened when we spoke of the baby. I noted that she enjoyed babies. Sensing what may be lonliness, when Em was about three weeks old, I walked over to show DW* the baby. She sat on her porch with me and held my baby for about 15 minutes. It is by far the most chatty she ever got with me.
-Twice we were cooking out or having a firepite roast & she would be sitting in a chair nearby. Both times I offered her a hotdog or s'more, both she refused (but thanked).
-I once offered to mow her side of the lawn while mowing my own. She took me up on a 'strip' of it. And thanked me. Looking back, I wonder if she felt I somehow messed up her lawn, which would've been unintentional.
-We have amazing pecans. Three trees, to be exact. Several fell onto her yard. One day I asked her if she'd prefer I gather them off her lawn or leave them for her to keep. This was Fall 2015. Her answer: "You can gather them for me."
-I brought her garbage cans up after trash one day, and multiple times picked a blown over bin of hers out of the street. This is something that my previous neighbor did for US on an almost weekly basis and I was happy to pay it forward to an older person living alone. It wasn't long after I had done this that some of the odd behaviors began, thus I recognized that I probably shouldn't be placing myself on her property.
I tell of these not to praise our neighborly gestures. I don't feel those extensions of kindness are extraoridnary and most people I know would do the exact same. Instead, they demonstrate how completely ordinary and civil our interactions with her had been in the first year we lived here. It certainly was not a close friendship like we held with previous neighbors. Ten years at my last house gave birth to a friendship that is dear to our entire family to this day. In fact, I often go visit our old street because we were all pretty sad about the move. Having strife with neighbors now only illustrates even more how special our previous neighbors were/are to us.
CHAPTER 1: SOLUTIONS TO HELP THE ONE BEHIND US
The woman behind us did indeed attempt to break in one day last December when I was home alone with a newborn and toddler. It was scary. The police and even fire took great care of us. (see blog)
We heeded their advice, as well as the advice of the only caretaker of hers we could ever connect to (I'll call him Dean). Without really having the money, we slapped the lumber onto a credit card and built a privacy fence, just on our back (south) side. That was in January 2016. We do have a kind neighbor, thank the Lord, and E helped Tan complete it. The next day, being that it was still only chainlink that separated us from DW, we were both outside and I thought the neighborly thing to do was fill her in. I told her about the break in, the physical assault on the police, and the caretaker/yard man that we'd met, Dean. She had such an odd reaction. She instantly was leery about him, wondering why he was in charge of her finances/estate. I told her all I knew, that he claimed many people have popped in to do repairs for her, only to steal from her. I told DW that while she was in the mental hospital, we called 911 about an attempted burgarly to her home in effort to protect L, the elderly woman.
She did not acknowledge or sympathize any about someone trying to break down our door. She didn't seem concerned that there had been a break in & robbery at the home behind us. She turned 'cold' in that conversation.
It reminded me of another interaction just a week or two around that. Around 10 pm one night, I heard commotion and saw flashlights tracking the yard/space in between our houses. I looked out my blinds, scared but also concerned and saw the police. I let it go, though i was nervous since it was only recently we had witnessed a robbery. The next morn, her and I were watering our plants. "Hi, DW. Do you know why the police were out last night?" She looked at me with a flat affect (I really can't think of any other way to describe it) and said, "Go to the police station if you want to find out."
It was days later that I found out. I don't have time to be running to precints.
However, I got the wrong mail in my box. It was from 2 doors down, her other neighbors. I'll call them the G family. Though her English was limited, the mother (they are a family of 5) let me know that the police were out because DW had called them in. I learned that there had been multiple complaints/citations that DW had called on them, and from what I could gather it was mostly centered around their visitors parking in grass. Mother G looked distraught and sad. She started to cry as she tried to find the English words to explain. In that moment I realized we had a dangerous immediate neighbor.
I didn't see it coming but should've: the rocks she strategically placed in her yard along with a large No Parking sign on her garage. I also recalled a parking citation we had gotten back in Summer 2015. Sure, you shouldn't have tires touching grass, even a little. But the odd thing about the ticket is that Tan's truck was barely in the grass and WAY up near our backyard fence, beyond the car port. No one just driving around would ever see it, not to mention it was only like that a short window of time after we had moved something. I had no doubt that she had called that in on us.
So, DW seemed upset that we had the new fence that divided us more from elderly L. But the police & Dean were right...the flashing lights, the late night yelling, the erractic behavior.....it really seemed to subside over there. We were busy with winter activities and of course a busy, growing family, so our normal lives carried on in a much more upbeat way. (and to understand more of where sweet L was coming from, you really do need to read the follow up story to "Dementia...", which you can find in this link).
I didn't stop to think too much that we just weren't seeing DW much. Wintertime, me working full time, I truly never would've noticed. Then April came.
CHAPTER 2: WE AREN'T IN HAPPY LAND ANYMORE
Times were tough in our old house. It was tiny, it had a very out of date floor furnace & window units, and doing laundry in the detached garage was difficult at times. But we were happy. I know hindsight is 20/20, and we LOVE so much about the space and character of this house. Yet I'd trade it all to be back.
Around April I noticed behavior from our western neighbor getting odder. I waved & said Hello one day. She called me over, an odd thing for her. She pointed to one of windows. About 8 windows of ours face her, and she pointed to the one in the middle. "Would you like the number for my blind guy? You see your broken blind?" I hadn't thought much of it. Probably one month into living here, one of the kids (I think I know which busy rascal....) had climbed the baby changing table (that sat in front of window for a year) and played with the wooden blinds.
This particular toddler who will go unidentified :) broke off two slabs, leaving a square-shaped gap in that window. Sure, it wasn't pretty anymore but it wasn't a huge enough problem (compared to mounting auto and plumbing issues plaguing us) to cause pause. She appeared to be really annoyed by it. A day or two later, I attempted to "unthread" the blinds, as there was enough 'give' at the bottom that perhaps I could remove the broken one. However, it proved difficult and I moved on with diapers, dinner, work, and life. I always go back and wonder if that was when she first convinced herself that we were 'spies'."
Then May. On Mother's Day morn, Tan kindly rolled along with any wish I had to make my day special. I really wanted to go for a run with a pal along the river, a new favorite activity. I returned home and Tan and the boys gave me a great Mommy Day. It was not until that evening that Tan had to tell me about the awful event of that morn.
Our little dog Falcon had gotten out. There are two ways it could've happened: he, yes, has scaled the chain link fence before or one of the kids opened the front glass door.
Tan had been attempting to seal/fix any possible escape route, so how he even got out is wild. Nevertheless, he either got out or DW possibly even 'helped' him get out. He is a timid dog when out at a park or at another's house. Or course he is a barker at, say, the mailman, when he is protecting HIS domain. He has NEVER bit anyone and may be the best cuddler on the planet. But somehow DW coerced Falcon into her garage. This still stuns us, as he is fast & independent. I speculate that she had a treat for him. She proceeded to close the garage and call Animal Control. While I was still gone, the Animal Control officer returned Falcon to Tanner (telling Tan that he didn't see any threat from this dog). He told Tan that DW felt fearful of our "dangerous dog" and wanted us to be fined. Evidently, she initially refused to return our dog without us being ticketed. However, the man on the scene did not feel it was needed and just warned Tan to contain our dog. Interestingly, Falcon's collar was missing.
The next day, I was off grocery shopping (or something mundane). Animal Control returned. They handed Tanner a citation/ticket for Failure to Confine. Evidently, DW had been upset that we were not fined the day before and demanded that we be. I am learning so much from her as we are dragged through this, and so now I know that a neighbor can demand a ticket for a loose animal, even if the city does not feel it is warranted. I spent (ie wasted) about an hour of my life down at Animal Control having a (kind) officer explain to me how that all works.
Being that we have been able to politely converse with her up to this point, Tanner went and knocked on her door the same day we were officially given the ticket to attempt reasonable conversation on what had happened. He had our barely 1 year old daughter in his arms. He knocked on the screen/outer door, as the "main" wooden front door was open. She took one look at Tanner and simply slammed the door in his & baby Em's face. So much for our attempt to work things out.
CHAPTER 3: THE CAMERAS
Coming off the hurt of having our own neighbor demand we be ticketed, we still enjoyed our family time in the backyard. Just not as much. $200 later, we knew we had to watch Falcon's every.single,move. Every time Tan took him out to potty, he now put him on a leash that allowed just a few feet of exploration. Falcon's behaviors were that of a stressed/distraught animal. He didn't poop for a week, which is NOT pleasant for anyone, man or dog.
And within days of the dog incident, we sat in our backyard on a nice spring day to see two men digging a long trench in her backyard. It extended from the east side (our side) of her house to her eastern storage shed. It didn't take long to see they were running electricity to her shed. Within hours, she had this crew of two mount 7 cameras on her home & shed. (My estimate is 7 since we'd later learn about the cameras on her west from her other neighbors). What was instantly troubling....the camera lenses appeared to point not so much on HER property but moreso onto our property.
It was instantly so unsettling. She often has a few older men that visit her. No, we don't watch her as a sport but it is hard to miss that man that always wears a top hat and drives a cadillac that pays her visits. There are a couple of others. I have to hope these people, along with her, are morally not corrupt and not exploiting my kids or I become unglued. After all, she has a shed camera filming most of our backyard. One on the side of her house that faces towards two bedrooms, one of which my children sleep. AND one on the front of her houst that appears to get almost all of our yard and driveway, yet none of her own.
The day the cameras went up, Tanner called the police. Surely we have some rights in all of this! We gave info to the very kind officer and he also visited with her in private. A lot of her thought process would make a bit more sense later when I'd go down & pay to have this
But on with the story. So, the above is what she told police that day.
At that point we learned there wasn't much we could do about those invasive cameras aside from create more privacy. We spent (a lot) of money & put up a privacey fence immediately. She surely anticpated that, as she made sure the cameras were very high. The privacy fencing does not block the camera angles at all. Yet we also had to be certain to follow permitted fence rules (as well as getting our second permit) because she definitely calls the police/city anytime someone around is constructing anything.
Sure enough, within an hour of Tan and our (thankfully wonderful) east-facing neighbor beginning the fence, she called the police to say we were crossing onto her property, she thinks. The officer that came out said he told her that SHE could pay to get a survey.
And an aside, Tanner knows our property lines from the house purchase. The fence is not close to infringing. Apparently, SHE is actually crossing into our land with her AC. So if we ever decide to stoop to her game, there's that.
Within two days of the camera & fence fiasco, I saw the camera installer guys back when getting out of my car. Two young guys. "Tanner, you should talk to them!" Tanner called out kindly to one on the driveway: "Hey, man, may I visit with you?"
He walked from her yard to ours and she swooped in as they shook hands,
"He is working for ME and being paid by the hour." Robotic in her delivery.
Tanner and even the camera guy told her that they were indeed going to chat a moment.
As they stepped onto our porch, away from those awful cameras, I found the courage to speak to her. I didn't think I would because my hurt and frustration were still fresh, and I'm nonconfrontational.
"DW, I just don't understand why you hate us so much."
I've never seen her face look so mean. "Yeah, right."
"We've been good neighbors."
She glared and said before turning away from me, "I'm not talking to you!"
After two calm attempts to rationally talk with DW (as we had been advised to try by authorities), it was clear that she was not going to work within logic and reason with us.
Later, Tanner told me that the young guy provided his contact info because he agreed that what she was doing with the cameras was not right. He said upon his second visit there, he saw she had the cameras directly turned on our property (and on DW's other neighbor). He had already corrected her angles back to her own property once, but she continued to turn each one back on all her neighbors.
CHAPTER 4: HER OTHER NEIGHBORS
I must break from our story here to tell you a portion of the story that, to me, may be even more upsetting than our dilemma.
We've waved and spoken a few friendly words with the family two doors down (her other neighbors). Mom, Dad, four children. The G family, as noted earlier. The oldest is a middle school daughter & God bless her. Just from our handful of conversations with this kind family, their daughter does all the translation from Spanish to English. We've learned (both from them and their very kind landlords who live next to the G family, so now we have 4 houses in a row in this story) that Dad, the padre, is such a hardworking provider. He currently has two full time jobs, often leaving in the early dawn hours for one of them.
We also learned that our shared neighbor DW has called in multiple citations on them beyond the parking issues. Some examples I'm aware of, though I think there are more, are when she called in because she thought they "had bunnies." Or the time they were having a backyard birthday party, an early evening fiesta. (To which they had extended an invite to her and still brought her cake even though she did not go). I suppose that she called that in thinking it was a noise ordinance thing? I've never ever heard them being disruptive or doing anything late at night. Apparently, the tenant prior to the G family once got a police visit prompted by DW because she said the single woman was "housing a tiger."
We've learned that the main camera facing them is incredibly obtrusive, as it swivels and has night vision. The Mom has even seen it turn downward as she was turning downward to work in her garden. The picture here is the exact model she has facing them.
Like us, they've at times had no choice but to just pay a citation and move on. Money is tight around here, and I am willing to assume that with their four young children and some of the instant challenges in language and cultural aquisition that they face, even tighter for them. A $200 ticket here and there is also a car payment, a grocery bill, or a diaper and wipey supply.
CHAPTER 5: INTO SUMMER
May went on. We visited with our other two neighbors (on her west side) a few times and learned they were still getting targeted for tickets. She called in to say that they were "raising rats" at one point. My heart went out that momma.
I worked through my anger of my children being filmed on a regular basis. I tried to lay to rest the narrative I had come to work through, that she wasn't in some sort of disgusting ring of people who are trading childrens' pictures. Keep in mind, toddler boys will pee in their own backyards. I am certain they've gotten on her camera doing so. Indeed, there have been days in the early summer that I looked straight into her camera & asked her if she was a pedophile (although authorities tell us that those cameras likely have no audio).
One July day the entire block had a power outage. The woman from behind us-- the one who had long ago tried to break in & who we had deep compassion for---came wandering up to our house yelling & screaming. She usually screams, albeit from her own property, when she is in a spuchotic break, so it was not completely alarming, but indeed I wrote a whole blog about it here. Needless to say, DW gave me a cold stare from her doorway the whole time, so I called the police to file my OWN information report. I wanted it documented that we were indeed helping the elderly lady who had wandered up in a psychotic state...and likely dehydrated...because DW is trying to build some kind of police file to indicate we are abusive. (ugh, that sickens me). I'd been advised to document, document. And of course this blog is a huge part of that. I also wanted it documented that DW was watching me.
By late July, I had worked through some of the hurt. We swam in our awesome above ground pool that my friend gave us, but it lost its appeal quickly, as I hated feeling like we were being watched. We went to the city to find out what vegetation & constructs we could do to block her camera, but the fact of the matter is...we had no money left to do anything else. With new plumbing & auto issues appearing, we had to tend to life needs first. So we drained the pool & just quit going in our backyard. Tanner still goes there to sit on his laptop. He doesn't let it get to him as much, in regard to if he is readjusting his life. Tanner did try to get some bamboo going, but it didn't take off....
About July 28, I noticed a city vehicle at DW's house. I was approaching my house. At that point I realized there was a pink slip on our door. We got a new ticket from her. My stomach dropped. She is bothering us again! I managed to see & speak to the animal control worker this time. She was nice, but yet again her hands were tied on what she could do. She encouraged us to talk to the city attorney if we feel these tickets are becoming harrassment. And this time, we are not going to just sit there & pay.
Indeed, we had to pay bail to do this, but we pleaded NOT GUILTY on this Failure to Confine Animal ticket. I won't go into too much, as we have a pending court date, but she claims that 10 days prior to calling it in, our dog, whom she calls a "pit bull mix," was out of our yard. I will keep you posted on what happens.
In the meantime, I sit here on this gorgeous September day & know I will return to my driveway to see a fence going up. She has a chainlink fence going in her frontyard that further 'barricades' us and her other neighbors from any sort of friendly, neighborly living.
Does it hurt that when the people she rallies around her cold stare me? Or better yet, like this morning, when they turn their backs to me as I get in my car or unload my kids? You bet. Today I found the courage to smile and wave at her as she stared. She continued to stare. Oh, as for Dean, the man we thought had the elderly lady in his best interest, he is actually in cahoots with DW. During the power outage night, Tanner had (logically) texted him to let him know that the woman was wandering the streets and that she came up to us so we gave her water. He turned the texting into accusations against Tanner. Read the awful things he says to Tanner:
I only recently learned about these texts. So, she is telling her allies that we are placing our dog in her yard? Then going to her door to retrieve it? This is all just so strange. And so false. We believe the truth shall prevail.
UPDATE: We had a day in court to address at least the latest attempt she made at hurting her neighbors. (and if I may add my own narrative, her attempt as manipulating the system). We stood our ground and plead Not Guilty. It was another Failure to Confine our "mixed pit bull" as she told the Animal Control. Small victory: We won! She was not there and as the only 'witness,' the case was dismissed.
More than getting our bail money returned to us, it empowered me. The night before court I also reached out to many more of my 'tribe' and gave you all a chance to learn this story. It was truly eye=opening to see and hear the passionate and outraged responses. You all are like myself: we don't like that this directly affects my kids. And the G family's kids.
We also had a long & helpful conversation with the city attorney's office. Indeed, my log will continue. We won a small battle but the camera situation is not yet put to rest.
