Time slips away...

...when you are caring for an infant full time. I am amazed at how many things become instinctual as a mother. You know what I am talking about. It makes sense. You spend (almost) every waking hour with your little one, so every nuance of their behavior makes sense to you. I knew that today our little one was just not 'himself' and I think we found the root of the problem: a diaper rash that got a bit out of hand. Think we got the problem worked out, and thankfully he is sleeping well & hopefully feeling better by the minute.

Lyndon is almost 7 weeks old. I'd say I can't believe it, but I guess I actually can. :) He is well on his way to new milestones, and I can't wait. I'm ready for the personality to unfold. Kinda like a little budding flower. This morning, for instance, I got a genuine smile. Not the one you see when they are just kinda 'reflexing' and going through their muscle memory...but a smile that was specifically targeted at his momma. Wide and happy. I loved it so much & could've had that moment stretch out just a bit longer.

When I DO actually get around to blogging, I'd like to begin writing letters to Lyndon. Letters that I'll save outside of the internet and share with him when the time is right. Hmmm, what would I say tonight?

Dear Lyndon,

These past 6 1/2 weeks have been life-changing. Yes, certainly in the way I spend my time. My days revolve around feeding you, changing you, cuddling you. Soothing your cries. Yet my life has changed in a new way. You have brought me a new purpose, a new love. Your daddy & I have new conversations. Sure, we find occasional moments to banter about the state of the world, music, and philosophy. However, much more of the time is spent talking about how cute & wonderful you are. We sit back & marvel at how blessed our lives have become with you in them. We were so scared to become parents, but it all made sense when you came into the world.

I still have so much to learn about being your mommy. However, I don't fret about that. Nature--God--has a way of working that out. The motivation to do the best job I can is higher than any incentive I can think of.

I love you!

~Mommy

Yes, it's 3:45 am...

I am merely blogging as I wait for my pain relief medicine to kick in. I am experiencing pain lately that I can't talk about here. I still am convinced that only a handful of people read this, all women, but it IS the internet, after all. I'll only say that those of you withOUT curves have it way better than you could ever know!

Anyhoo, Lyndon has been so fussy over the past 48 hours. Poor buddy. I suspect his little digestive system is giving him pain. The nurse is having me eliminate all dairy to see if we can rule that out. Man o man, how I miss cheese, milk, yogurt. This sucks. But I'll do anything to find out if there is a little issue creeping up for my precious boy.

This afternoon I had the worst breakdown I've had as a new momma. I don't know who was crying harder--Lyndon or Lisa. ;) Granted, I am sure part of my tears were just needed from me...I took my last final that morning after cramming the night before (I am still SO thankful my momma kept the baby that night...I would've failed the test without that, no doubt). My body is just worn out! And it just hurt my heart so bad to see Lyndon crying (hard) tears that I couldn't soothe. Diaper change, check. Fed, check. Bouncing around, check. I am glad I called my momma again; my sister & mom swooped down to the city faster than you can say Edmond, Oklahoma. Those two ladies may not "get" me in many, many ways...but I'm finding that now that I am a mom, they are extremely understanding & helpful. After all, this IS their area of expertise! And surely not mine! I mean, I've got all those baby books....but who the heck has time to READ that crap when you are tired, studying for school, and breastfeeding? Seriously? :)

My other noteworthy Lyndon mention here is this....he fussed & did not sleep all day. His daddy got him to sleep at 6:30 pm. Then I kid you not, that boy slept 7.5 hours!! I kept staying awake thinking he'd start crying at any moment, ready to eat. Finally, by 11:30, I fell asleep. I awoke at 1:30 & realized he STILL had not woken up (sometimes Tanner does an expressed bottle at night, but the bottle was untouched). Ok, getting close to 8 hours for a 4 week old? That scared me. I mean, he was breathing, he looked content, he even had a cute baby snore going on....but I wasn't sure if it was SAFE for an itty bitty baby to go that long without feeding.

Hence, my first "after hours" med call. Question: Do I wake him up?

By the time the triage nurse returned my call, Lyndon had squirmed & I got him up to feed. He didn't cry at all. He just drank & basically went back to sleep! Nurse lady said everything sounded fine, but if he sleeps past 6 hours again it may be good to wake him. Then again, we both laughed about the fact that it is a BLESSING to have them sleep so well at night.

Only wish I'd had known at 6:30 pm that he'd be asleep so long...momma would've gotten a LONG nap. Ugh.

Night-night. Or whatever time of day/night it is. Does it really matter to a new mom? :)

Lyndon's First Adventure

His first outta state trip: Dallas, TX. Not mommy's favorite city by any means, but it's fun to try our first family travel! My rip on Dallas is this: I know there are cool/trendy areas (ie, Greenville, Lovers Lane, Lakewood)...but is all the traffic worth it? I am sure if you live in these little areas it feels smaller, but all & all, Dallas is just too big to feel homey and communal.

*Here is Lyndon this morning while lying on the hotel bed. Today he is 23 days old!

That being said, Tanner's best friend lives in Dallas & got married yesterday. The outdoor wedding (on White Rock Lake) had some minor bumps...a sudden downpour of rain RIGHT when the bride was to walk down & very close tornado sirens RIGHT when they were pronounced man and wife. I think it is an omen for a great marriage...the picture-perfect wedding that goes without a hitch sometimes mean the couple was keeping up appearances, right? ;)

Lyndon has had fussier nights as he's gotten older. However, he was great on this trip. Only one stressful time....he got upset in the car while I was trying to find my way back to our hotel from the reception. Screaming baby while following directions=stress!!

Now as I sit here on our huge, comfy bed...Lyndon yawns then smiles as he drifts in and out of sleep. He is just so super duper cute....I wanna stare at him at night and sometimes it keeps me up. ;) Today is May 1st.....he is almost a month old. NO!!

I love you so very, very much, Lyndon James!!