"To pee or not to pee, that is the question."
Dorky, I know, but this is a true account of the actual silly things that pop in the ol' noggin'. On a regular basis. If you are my friend, this should not shock you.
You see, I often wake up far earlier than I want to (why wake when I am childless, it's summer, and I don't have to?) merely because the ol' bladder is uncomfortable. (I didn't say gall bladder, don't let your eyes glaze over yet!)
If I can just lay there & turn my mind away from waterfalls and such, I can usually drift back in la-la land another hour or so. If I allow myself to get up & make it to the loo...I often find I am up for good. I don't want to start my day at 6 am. Not when I am usually turning off my reading lamp at 1 am or so.
Yet this morning the early rise was a good thing...I started coffee for my husband. I helped him pack a lunch for work. We also had a few leisurely minutes to just hang out in bed.
I wanted to just pamper him a bit because I was feeling good for the first time in days (the pain literally cycles) AND he was extra sweet yesterday.
Two nights ago, I hit a breaking point. I had had a so-so afternoon pain-wise, but when I got to my friend Laura's and realized they were scrambling to find a sitter just so they could grab a meal with her soon-to-be-in-labor sister, I felt good enough to jump in and say I could do it. In fact, I was quite joyous to do it! Connor is about as sweet as they come and I love hanging with that little guy! However, my pain started coming on while I was there and the guilt I felt for having to let Connor cry in his bed so he'd go night-night coupled with my pains was not pretty. Tanner came over and really helped me. My sister-in-law & her hubby called not long after I got home...I was exhausted, I was hurting. They wanted to know if I could watch the boys (my 3 nephews) during lunch the next day.
If it weren't for my immediate pain then and there, I would have had a hard time saying no. I LOVE those boys and normally would be glad to do it. But never knowing when I'm going to feel like crap, commitments have become very, very difficult for me.
So, gave my 'no' and called it a night. Except a huge wave of frustration/guilt/depression flooded me suddenly. I was so tired of this pain controlling my actions, my promises, my LIFE. I had to let the floodgates open....I sobbed like a baby a good 15 or so.
Now, Tan didn't even hear or see that; he was out in his "man cave" working.
But little did I know he was also online ordering me a dozen multi-colored roses to be delivered the next day.
I found them in a box on the porch yesterday when I got home. I mean it, the flowers instantly lifted my spirits and made me feel a million times better. A wave of deep-seated love for him rushed over me when I read the card. It's true, gestures like these are classic for a reason. A girl loves LOVES flowers. Especially the unexpected, just-because-I-love you kind.
I hate that you are still battling the gallbladder issue! I had mine removed about 3 years ago. It made a world of difference. I totally understand the frustration of not being able to commit to things! It is depressing. I have faced it with this pregnancy and several complications. It's great to hear you got flowers! That was soooo thoughtful. Oh and on the question if you will still have those great conversations after kids arrive... I sure hope so.... but there will be many nights you will fall in to bed and be more focused on sleep. You will have to make an effort to keep that alive in your relationship, but of course it can be done :) Blessings Lisa :)
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