Icy Days= Time to Reflect

I truly feel like I embrace pieces of myself that I tend to forget about when the world stops due to weather...I am sure you, dear reader, feel the same. Isn't it nice to take up that hobby that's collected dust in the corner? Or to experiment with recipes in the kitchen?

I only wish I hadn't been sick the first 3 of this unexpected 5-day weekend. But I tried to make up for lost time today.

I did some great bargain grocery shopping, went sledding at the park with my cousin & his family, swapped some recipes with my dear Lindy, and got some face time with a few peeps I rarely get to see during the normal swing of life. My dad & I grabbed coffee at the bookstore this afternoon. For many reasons full of laborious details I'll spare you of, we haven't had a close father-daughter relation, the type that I've always longed for, through most of my formative years. I'd say in only the last 2 have we found common ground that we've grown from. And today, I felt a genuine fatherly sentiment from my dad that I appreciate more than words can describe. I left with a few of those happy tears in my eyes that I refused to let come out.

I also spent some time with my beloved Kevin, a friend who I felt for sure I'd "grow apart from" as life progressed and we followed our chosen paths. Not so! I still feel love for him as strong as ever. It's always refreshing to know you have that. That your close friendships are built on solid ground. Sure, we've both made many new friends over the years, and good ones at that. But there's a tie there that no life circumstance can sever. (I'm not even gonna spell check that tho it pains me to not know if that is correct!) My fiance actually pointed something out to me about Kevin...one night Kev & I had gotten angry at each other over something silly. And Tanner said, "Lisa, he LOVES you so much. He'd never try to hurt you. He likes me and all, but he LOVES you." And Tan said it with all sincerity. Now, I'll correct him to say that Kevin has grown to love Tanner in a way that I could only hope anyone who loves me would feel about my future husband. (All my friends/fam love him, which is wonderful). But when I sat on that thought, and could come out realizing that my friend was a TRUE friend, it felt nice. It's so important to only keep those close to us that we know would defend our honor, would forgive us in grievances, would love us unconditionally.

I remember once fearing that another dear friend, Gena, and I would eventually grow apart because our lives are so different at this point. She's married, has her kids, her friends with kids, a different church, different neighborhood...all circumstance, of course, but daily differences that can grow large over time. Not so! I still bear my heart to her in a way that reminds me of why she is one of the important people in my life. She doesn't see me as an "old college buddy" but has an unconditional love.

And while unconditional love is something beyond this earth, something we should only hope to receive from our God...it's nice to think that God puts a few humans in our spheres that can give us a little glimpse of what it should be during our lifetime.

making new friends

I will eventually get with the times & learn how to add photos to my blog. For now, dear reader, take my lack of skill as a chance to use your imagination in my storytelling.

The day before we left Oklahoma to have an old-fashioned Arkansas Christmas (yes, we even had a Christmas bonfire in the woods!), I spent the afternoon of Dec. 23rd at Full Circle books. It's the coziest spot in the wintertime--fire blazing, lattes steaming, and books surrounding you.

I was working on a project for Tanner's present---more on that in a future blog---and I thought this was the ideal creative spot.

I got about an hour's worth of work done when a small voice said by my left shoulder, "Hello, I'm Margo. What is your name?"

I turned to see a sweet gal probably in her 30s donning a beret and scarf standing right next to me. I knew Margo was similar to some of the students I work with in her processing abilities. She had a wide grin and friendly eyes. I took the opportunity to take a break from my project and began an interesting conversation with Margo.

As we chatted, she told me that she loved to write poems: "Do you know what a poem is?" she gleefully inquired. She told me she wanted to learn how to write better poems. I learned that she had participated in some of the programs that I currently get my students set up in, such as Dale Rogers, DRS, Special Olympics.

She told me she wanted to be a better reader because she loved to read. The idea struck me: how cool to have adults that are former special education students and are wishing to increase their reading skills go into elementary schools to read to children! That may already be a program, but I'm now inspired to look into it...

She ended up reading out loud to me. (My gift to Tanner was a book I wrote and she read parts of it to me & thus gave me some great third-party perspective). At one point I excused myself to go the restroom, which is quite a little jaunt from the bookstore since it is out in the mall.

"Margo, do you mind keeping an eye on my Mac while I run to the restroom?"

She did not & when I returned she was just a few feet away looking at a book. Yet when she saw me return, she rushed over to Mr. Mac and I.

"Lisa, I wanted you to know that when I went to look at books for a minute I told __name___ (the coffee barista) to watch your laptop."

"That's fine, Margo! Thank you!"

"Well, I didn't want you to think I wasn't watching it...because you're my best friend!" she announced with a wide grin.

I love where a random, lazy afternoon can take you.

I'm BA--ACK

I really never did intend to totally drop out of the blog world. Here's the deal...I have 3 email addresses that I tend to use when creating accounts. Not to mention the 4 or 5 staple passwords that I've had as ol' stand-bys for a few years.

I mean, come on, these days you have to have a password for your email, your Facebook, your Paypal, your ebay, your music website, your work email, your library code (for handy online reserve), oh and your EBSCO code for reading journals in college, your UCO student ID, your OCU ID (don't ask...yes, I'm going there now as well), your OG&E bill, your bank account, your ING, your Netflix, your credit card, your Southwest Airlines, your left nostril.....oh, oops, sorry I got carried away as I realized that this list truly never ends.

And I do quite well keeping it all down. Ok, so I get the OCU and the UCO numbers mixed up sometimes.

So you can understand that I finally dropped the ball. I wrote a few blogs & never wrote down the access information. "I've got it down," I suppose I thought. But, no, to my dismay, the urge to write a few thoughts over the past few months was quickly squashed when I couldn't log in to ThatCurlGirl.

You can bet your favorite Christmas sweater that I wrote it down now.

And if anyone has advice for dealing with this only-gonna-get-worse Post-Modern Problem, by all means, share.

My only solution is to keep a Word document with every password to my entire life written. Is that what you do, dear reader who must suffer from this same dilemma?

Of course, in the event that you have to call your fiance because for the first time in weeks you actually "shut down" your laptop (yes, I have it in Sleep Mode most of the time I am not using it) and hope to heavens HE may remember what your COMPUTER password is so you can log back on....well, your whole password list could be a giant wash anyway!

Geez, I'm too tired now to even write a REAL post. I have stories to tell....Margo & the Bookstore, Aubrey the Genius, My Surprise for Tanner, Winter Gardening for Dummies.....but I'll save that for another day since I can log back in again. Right? I saved it on my Word document . *looks at Word, breathes sigh* Ok, yeah, I will return.

And I wonder why I don't have anyone's phone number memorized anymore. Welcome to Life as We Know It.

G'night, Happy Password-Saving, and a Merry Christmas to all!!

In an age of instant meals...

...I was sprawling on my bed going through the endless coupons I have for restaurants & fast food, mostly thanks to the book I purchased from one of my students last year.

The urgency to use them was strong for 2 reasons: 1. my growling tummy 2. So many coupons, so little time. They all expire in December.

Yet once I realized I was actually considering buying a large greasy pizza just so I could get the free toasted ravioli appetizer...my voice of reason (finally) jumped in.

I LOVE to cook. I don't have anywhere to be. I've got a fairly stocked kitchen. As visions of pizza or burritos began to fade, a spark of creativity ensued.

I am primarily writing this blog to make a self-reference to in the future (being that about 3 people read it!). The next time I am about to go spend my hard-earned paycheck on overpriced food (coupon or not) I hope to stop & hear that voice....because dinner was TASTY tonight!!

So, here's what I did:

1. Threw some wheat pasta in some water for the stove.

2. Chopped up tomato, eliminating the "slimy" middle, opting for the firm, red outer regions. The really diced pieces were for the pasta sauce, the large ones for the salad.

3. Grabbed some baby shrimp out of the freezer & began running warm water over them.

4. Got a trusty jar of basil pesto sauce (which I actually will be making HOMEMADE in the near future before the beautiful sweet basil endures freezing temps!) & warmed it up ala microwave.

5. Pasta cooking (check), shrimp thawing (check), so time to add fresh ingredients to the sauce. Picked some big basil leaves from the garden, chopped them up. Added some garlic to the sauce as well. And the diced tomato.

6. Grabbed romaine lettuce from fridge, chopped some cucumber, threw in tomato, added black pepper & a dash of the basil.....voila, the salad is ready!

7. With shrimp ready to go, stirred it into the sauce that was now full of veggies & spices.

8. Drained the pasta & stirred it up with the sauce.

MMMM, dinner is served! All these steps happened in a matter of about 15 minutes. Add a fresh ice water (& a caffeine-free cola) and at this point I almost wanted to take a lovely snapshot of my meal. Take that, Mazzio's, Taco Bell, Sonic, and just about any other crap option I almost defaulted to. PS: My wallet loved me for it as well.

spooky music & marriage

What a great stormy night! I recently inherited an awesome family heirloom-- a 120-year-old pump organ that once sat in my grandfather's furniture store/funeral home.

Tonight after Scott, Willie, and I wrapped up band practice we tried to play eerie, spooky chords. And Tanner played "Star Wars."

Jamming with those guys is so fun. Not the organ, but with bass n drum. :) I love that on many tunes, I just set down the guitar & sing. I don't get to do that enough.

We had a GREAT first gig not too long ago. Here's a small sample:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAR8kFmQh_Q

We will not gig again until Scott returns from Vegas, hitched no less. Speaking of, I get married in April. Woo hoo!! Someone who has known me for years recently said to me, "I CAN't believe YOU are getting married! I didn't think you were the marryin' type."

Now, I could take that really wrong....but I sincerely think he meant that with genuine compliments. Yea, that's right, I've never really been the "marryin' type"...me & my random travels, independent spirit, spontaneous out-of-state moves, and many-a-weekend of nothing but music.

What said friend & perhaps a few others never knew about me is that so many of those things stemmed from wondering who "the one" was going to be. Who my true companion was. Wondering when I'd finally meet him. After all, who can really write a good song when their love life is hunky dory? ;) Not I. I have no regrets in having a long, long singlehood period in my life. I feel very strongly that timing is everything, and even 2 years ago I wouldn't have wanted to settle down with anyone unless I knew with every bone in my body that he was the missing link. The only by-product of concern is that I will never be a young, hip mom. If anything I will be a mom with a hip replacement. Hahaha.

The beauty of it is that Tanner & I both have already lived rich lives as single people, and hopefully that will only add more to the marriage. Here's to life partners, significant others, and those still waiting for their perfect "timing." It'll come. Don't force it. Life has too many beautiful things to offer, and a partner to share it with is merely icing on the cake.

What Ya Think About While Ya Play...

We all have hobbies/activities that we've done so much that it can easily go on autopilot.  Jogging, sewing, gardening, ironing.  

For me, it's gigging.  There was a time & place in my life when I did it about 4 times a week.  Take 4 gigs, all lasting 3 hours a pop, and you eventually forget to actually think about the music. ;)  About 2 years ago, I stepped away from being so overly involved in it after a short stint in eating/breathing it; at first it was painful, on several levels.  Probably most obviously was the fact that I was admitting to myself that I wasn't 'meant' to be a musician as a full-time career.  And when you love it as much as I do, it really is hard to make sense of that.  

Yet there are so many more things to steady gigging, both locally and regionally, than the actual music playing.  Without digressing too much, I'll just mention the shameless self-promotion, the hours of cold calling venues, the money pumped into recording, the endless search for compatible music-makers, the fear that ya just may not make the money you need to comfortably pay your bills, the hours of self-employment wasteland (ie, you can sleep in but you are seriously wasting your valued time if you do), and the inevitable jerkwads you often have to wade through to find the genuine people that want to help you, no strings attached.  Hmmm, can you tell I flirted with this lifestyle for a while?; )

But I mention all of this to point out that the time I quit my "day job" and chose to focus on music was short-lived yet rewarding.  It became a blessing in disguise.  I only lasted about 3 months and gave into the urge to get back into the stable, predictable life of an educator.  Once I did that, after a year or so, music became fun again!  I appreciated the fact that this was forever a part of me; it wasn't something I ever really needed to 'give up.'

And, thus, I am at a place where I am regularly playing music again, even though I already have my plate way too full with other obligations.  But music is my soul; it is what makes all the other junk in life make sense.  

And tonight, during a three-hour gig, I caught my mind wandering.  The first half were thoughts of adversity:  "WHY do I even do this?"  I asked this & other miserable questions as 4 drunk guys continued to annoyingly call out awful cover songs & treat me as if I were their puppet on a string.  ("Here's $10...play some Skynard, PUH-leeeze?" "Lisa, we need you to sing __(song I don't know/never want to___   now, sister!") 

 "At what point did it come to this?"  I almost laughed to myself.  But any local, hardworking musician knows....sometimes it DOES come to this.  No matter how big in your britches you ever get.

However, once the Phoenix 4 (read: out-of-towners walking Bricktown, reminiscing their frat boy days & wondering what single life used to be like...) gulped their last drink & realized they were incredibly late for Mickey Mantle's reservations, a new vibe set in.   A few older couples milled around.  A table of subdued twenty-somethings whispered.  A woman bought my CD after telling me that she, too, was a special ed teacher.  

And I played the songs I love, the songs I wrote.  I sang & exposed my soul.  I covered Roberta, Norah, Beatles.  I did some kinda weird vocal percussion while I sang the blues.  I FELT the lyrics I belted.  And I had a blast.  And all those initial feelings of love returned.  

"Wow, THIS would feel wonderful if I could do this all the time!"  

"What is it like to play in a dark, hushed, crowded room, where people want to interpret lyrics & FEEL something?  Like this?"

"Man, I wish I had the guts to quit my job, school, everything...and do THIS."  (oh no, here we go....)

Ha.

I bring up my thought process while I am playing to say this:

You're never wasting time when you are bringing joy to someone...that includes yourself.  If growing up gets defined as consolidating the child-like excitement about certain things into a teeny, tiny compartment, only for use when social cues deem it appropriate...then I will pass on the maturity, thank you very much.

May I continue to feel passion about playing music for others.  It makes my life fun.

Nostalgia

While watching the hilarious pilot for the new show GLEE, I couldn't help but reflect on my high school show choir days.  I'd imagine that the tables have turned now (due to American Idol, High School Musical, and the internet magic of everyone-can-be-a-rockstar) but in the mid-90s it was still fairly uncool to go the show choir route.

I did try pom for a year--I think I balanced it with Act II (show choir) but our director was probably glad when I quit trying to be in every clique & submit to the fact that I was solely a "music girl" (aka music nerd).  I could quit asking to leave rehearsals early to cheer at the basketball games.  Thank God!   I'm glad I swayed that direction and shed ambiguity.  I did not prefer cheerleader skirts, I preferred gaudy sequin dresses and lipstick redder than cherry kool-aid.  I didn't want to go to keggers with the popular football players, I wanted to dance the night away at Follies after-parties with the music boys.  I didn't try to letter in track (ok, so I DO wish I'd been a leetle athletic now) but, boy, did I want to make All-State Choir.

While I'm not a musical theater gal now, the hours upon hours of learning how to sightread from hymnals, flashing jazz hands (I suspect those are forever a part of any show choir), getting stage directions, trying out for vocal parts, singing Alto in the choir, and learning how to do quick costume changes all gave me skills I carry with me to this day.  There's a sense of identity, confidence, and creativity that comes from high school show choir.  Yes, 4-part harmony to current Top-40 hits can sometimes be nothing but lame.  But, boy, did we think it was just about the best thing to ever be sung on Memorial's stage.  And we had a blast doing it.

Looking back, who knows what I would've been like without all those afterschool rehearsals and weekend productions?  I even contribute it to me being a good student in the classroom.  There was no chance I was going to let my grades slip & get kicked out of the talent show!   I am willing to bet being part of such activities really made a difference in my formative years.

Ok, so I was 'crowned' the Music Queen my senior year (or was it called Choir Queen?  I don't know, I digress), not the most sought-after title in high school.  At the time I probably thought it was silly to even have such a contest, and thought Lindy was so much cooler for getting Homecoming Queen.  But my 2 best friends & I were out to dinner the other night & chuckled when we realized something...the three of us all got 'titles' back at our high school in '96: Edmond Memorial Orchestra Queen, Homecoming Queen, and Music Queen.     

While I'm not going to go to my mother's house & dig through boxes to find my crown, put it on & procede to put on lots of mascara that I cry off wishing to turn back time to the "glory days"...I gotta say that it makes me a little sappy/happy/proud to say I was a part of the music nerds in high school.   Nerds rule!