Lost in My Mind

Honestly, most CC music annoys me to a point of teeth grinding. Yup, I am snobby & cynical about that. (google "CC music" if you are confused, I can't even type the genre name because even that is quite annoying to me). But let's step back & analyze. Am I really a snob because I have musical preferences? I mean, if musicians are gonna share the gifts, given to them by the Creator no less, bring your best game forward, my friend! Don't write a crappy, pappy song & expect me to like it because it is about God! Don't force me to turn to "secular" music to actually be inspired & worship my God. Yet, that is often the way it goes. I often find the divine in things that didn't set out to be labeled that way. After all, many Christians create things & don't stamp the "CC" label on it. Or call it "praise & worship."

Anyway, I digress. There's a major exception in all of that for me. Perhaps it bloomed out of the fact that my dear college band/friends & I did a lot of listening, discussing, & imitating of this man's music, but I have a super soft spot in my heart for Steven Curtis Chapman. It does not hurt at all that he is an AMAZING guitar player & author of melody, but what always got me the most was his amazing (and I believe, inspired) lyrics. I will always remember the long drives I'd take, hashing out my beliefs in my head, trying to learn how to talk to God, and often his music was the backdrop.

Just felt like sharing this song because, well, it just lights the little belly of my soul & pretty much sums up what I want to remember every day of my life. (Even when I am being a stogy, snobby cynic). ;)

Holidays Commence!

Tonight I handed in my last paper, took my last final, and got a hyper little boy to bed.

And now I must pause & sigh, just so grateful for a break!

Now that means new tasks are at hand. Need to finally get around to a few Christmas 'to-dos' that I couldn't before. Want to go meet two little twin girls my friend just gave birth to. Need to catch up on some serious housework!

Merry Christmas!!

Marriage Revisited

Someone close to me is about to "revisit" the institute of marriage. We all know someone giving it a second try. And while I am not blogging to discuss that, I just wanted to write down something she said to me just now that may be one of the best compliments my ears have heard.

"I really want what you and Tanner have."

No, it wasn't a statement of envy. Nor flattery. It was a statement of respect; I know this because I know this person so well.
She went on to say she didn't have good examples of what marriage is in her life & now she feels she does, and I am honored to be on that list.

What she may not know is that I had to find examples in my life as well, and I still look to them today.
She's smart, so she probably DOES know that this Hubbert marriage is young, terribly imperfect, and wonderful all the same.

Reminds us all that just "doing life" is one of the greatest impacts we can have on spreading love.

That's the goal. LOVE. :)

Marriage & Minimalism

I'll start with a rant. It's one most of the general American public has right now. 72 days? Really?! Ok, I will first clarify & say I've never even allowed my eyes to watch an episode of "Keeping up with Kardashians." Heck, I haven't even had cable TV in over 5 years. But you pretty much have to live under a rock to not know who Kim K is & that her wedding was televised almost to the magnitude of the Great Royal Wedding across the pond. And it's already Splitsville?

Sure, divorce happens all the time in this country of ours, but 72 days is up there with Vegas weddings where the couple was drunk. I confess that I read People (can I justify to say I love the recipes??)...and I'll sometimes have one of those Hollywood gossip shows on (just flipping channels, really!)...but I've caught enough of the gossip to know that the media is basically painting the picture of her just kinda saying, "Hmmm, well, I don't really want to move...I guess this whole marriage thing didn't work. Sorry."

Come on! When did we start sending the message to young people that marriage is just something fun to try on like that outfit at the Gap? When did people stop asking the hard questions before saying "I do!"?

I only daydream sometimes of being a politician in hopes to make it 'harder' to get married and more rigorous to become a parent. And then I digress, because then we are getting into freedoms, personal choices, and government. Sigh, I suppose I need to just shut up & live MY life in the manner of which I preach these passions. So....here's to 45, 50, 55 more years, Tanner! :)

OK, topic #2:

I want to be a minimalist. Badly.

I've been toying with this idea now for 3 years. I've lived in the same house for 7 yrs, and I think my desire to scale back increases as my "stuff" increases.

There was some beauty to the chaos of my early 20s. I moved a lot. Not very much stuff followed me. It was freeing.

Why do we need or want stuff? I know there's a psychology behind shopping, accumulating, hoarding. And how many years do we have to do it before we realize that it never makes us happy?

If you've never been to my home, you might imagine that it is off an episode of "Hoarders" or something. It's not even close. I don't have a ton of stuff. Tanner definitely doesn't. But we also have many, many things that we don't use. Ever. They are there "just in case."

And my quest for minimalism isn't a political statement. It's not a green initiative.

It's just for my sanity & peace. In my head

Less stuff=more fulfillment.

So, I am asking YOU. I want ideas. 2012 is the year I begin this quest. I'm actually hoping that the holidays don't include me acquiring more things I don't need (but I don't know a non-rude way to express that to anyone buying me a gift...gifts are from the heart, I do realize).

But I want to make it a structured movement in my life. Every month I get rid of 10 articles of clothing? Every week I "purge" a different drawer? Give me some ideas & let me toy with how this is gonna go down!!

Preacher Man, we really need to talk...

Arrggh, I woke up from a great slumber still frustrated about this, so I must vent. Blogs are good for that (maybe?). What I do know is that 2 (of my maybe 4) readers can appreciate this since they are also wedding musicians. ;)

Ok, I played for a lovely wedding last night. It was in a gorgeous backyard. One of those large acreages in Deer Creek, rolling hills, lots of trees, and probably the most amazing outdoor spread I've ever seen for a wedding. The bride had been very laidback about choosing music for her wedding. In fact, in the days leading up I had been a bit anxious because I rarely work with a bride who is so NOT worried about what song she will walk down to...we really want brides to like their music!

So, we finally got the deets ironed out & I was feeling good about it all. The band playing for the reception agreed to let me just plug in to their system. And what a system it was. This band, Wise Guys, have quite a spread...I showed up extra early and worked with their sound guy. All the equipment was on a gorgeous (covered) deck...but it turns out it was almost 50 yrds away from the actual ceremony. (A detail it would've helped to know!) No worries, the PA was huge, I had a good view, and preacher man was gonna cue me throughout the ceremony.

I could tell early on preacher man was not the best communicator. We swapped notes prior to the ceremony...I just needed to know his lines right before I started playing. Instead, he proceeds to go through EVERYthing he is going to say. Ok, I can be patient.

Well, the clincher was literally one MINUTE before the service begins, the mother of the groom becomes insistent on lowering a giant curtain over the 'stage' so that the photos will not show the wedding party coming out. (They were all coming from inside the house near the deck). So my anxiety is suddenly on the rise..I gotta see the wedding for my cues, people! No one is hearing me, so I have to just go with it.

So, I am literally just having to guess out my timing on the music because, oh yea, it turns out I can not HEAR the ceremony, either. A giant fountain to my left blocks the sound. And preacher man is not even using a mic (another surprise to me since there were 100+ guests). Here's the part that annoyed me...I play the brides' walk down, knowing I can just ballpark the walk (without seeing it)...and finally someone opens the curtain a tad as I am wrapping up the bride's walk. AND PREACHER MAN is apparently leading the audience in prayer while I am still ending the song! I can't explain how annoying this is. Preacher man also did not cue me once, so I was just desperately trying to read his lips for things like the unity candle. In hindsight, I should've just unplugged & marched the 50 yards over there & done it all without a mic. ;)

As a wedding musician, timing is key to everything going just right. I almost always cut bride walks very short, you needn't play the whole song. But there may be a measure or two where the couple stands there gazing at each other nervously while you wrap up. And everyone waits. That is what you do. But never have I played a wedding where the preacher just disregards the music & starts talking. Is it ok to want to scold someone "of the cloth" at a wedding? ;)

Seriously, when the wedding was over, had I not been busy doing the "cocktail" music, I would've found preacher man & told him thanks for throwing me under the bus.

There were two redeeming parts to this story. One, the clouds were brewing overhead & the sound guy had to unplug & start tearing down. He had over $10,000 worth of equipment that was about to be dumped on. The father of the bride was distraught, as he had hoped to dance with his daughter. So, I was able to just grab my guitar & do a very acoustic number for them ("The Way You Look Tonight"). It was actually pretty sweet. All the guests were eating & the rain was starting to sprinkle, but bride & dad just danced on that patio, both a bit teary-eyed. It was nice to know I could help in that way.

I was just hoping that the music incident did not upset the bride. (She seemed fine, she actually seemed very sweet & just nervous about being the center of attention...and thankfully her best friend had nothing but kind things to say about the ceremony music...I knew that it was a royal mess-up, tho, and it bugged me).

The other redeeming moment was when I talked to an old college buddy who was there as a videographer. We occasionally run into each other at some of the fancier weddings 'round town. We were talking about ol' preacher man & I asked Ben if he knew what church he was from. (I was still considering running into this guy in the near future to tell him he needs to get his act together....haha). And get this: he had told Ben that he was not from a church; he was a "street preacher." So much became clear in that moment.

My husband deals with church staff (or volunteers) on a daily basis, so he sees some characters for sure. He sees when there is ego & sometimes it gets ugly. (Seriously, some people do NOT realize how badly they represent their church just in the way they talk to people like their webmaster). But this just takes the cake. The wedding cake, that is.

These Will Become Rare, I Suspect

Yes, the blog may be quite bare over the next few months. Grad school is now in FULL swing & is already kicking my booty. On paper it does not look like I am taking many hours, but if one of those lovely courses has "Practicum" in the title--you can go ahead and skip DVRing most TV shows you once loved cuz ya just won't have time. :)

I was already overwhelmed, then I went to Stats class and found yet another large assignment in my possession. Mix that with an anxious student sitting beside that basically wanted me to write both my & her paper. My first instinct in those situations is to try and offer immediate help. But when I got back to my mom's house to pick up Lyndon (God Bless Grandma a million times over!), I had my own mini-breakdown. So much to do, so little time, so much heartache in having to leave Lyndon to go work.

Oh, full-time working mommas, I don't know how you do it!!

It leaves me with inner turmoil. On one hand, thank you to the 60s & feminism & equality & all that jazz. On the other, have we painted ourselves into a (foul-smelling) corner of the room? We know in many ways we are just as capable as men. It's been proven (do not refer to Palin for that token of proof, readers). No, it's been proven by the thousands of women who care for us as doctors, lawyers, teachers, accountants, bankers, Realtors, CEOs (I mean, if they can care for you...), nurses, chefs. But if it is at the expense of nurturing future generations.....what is it all worth?

I am NOT saying that a man can not be a SAHD. (If you don't know my acronym, do some internet research or read a mommy blog or two). Yes, they can. There may come a day when Tanner does just that. But nursing....ah, nursing. Despite the colorful stories of male lactation, we know it's truly meant for the fairer sex. And, well, there are times when I just KNOW what my baby needs & it feels purely biological....a womanly instinct that can not be explained.

So I am at odds with modern society a bit. Give me the right to choose my career & ambitions. Give me the right to be a mommy. But have me try to sanely balance? That's what this semester will teach me above all else, I suppose.

Children

I've not blogged in a while. Not purposefully, I suppose just because life has ebbs & flows. The start of a new semester & new routine often get me preoccupied.

This semester I am taking a statistics class that for once does not totally intimidate me. I'll not bore you the details, but I'll only say the prof is so great at explaining things from the "ground up" that I don't fear falling behind. At least not yet.

I am also in the throes of my first "practicum experience," where we take what we've been learning and actually hit the pavement doing it. I feel these times are the absolute best ways to learn, far better than any classroom-- no matter how "high tech" it may be.

I am assigned actual cases of children that need assessment. My first one involves a family going through the uncertainty of homelessness. Talk about reality check. I've only met with the young boy once, but I already feel the repoire is there. He already asked me, "Are you my counselor?" Although I am merely there for a battery of testing that will take several sessions, I feel building a relationship of sorts is important. Not only to validate the testing procedure, but to just let him know that someone cares. Someone has his best interest at heart. It is, after all, why I want to remain in the realm of education...despite the new "hat" I am training to wear.

I go through phases of self-doubt. Is this what I want for the years ahead? Is this the best route for my growing, young family? Does this fulfill desires of purposefulness & growth? I can only say that the path feels right, so I will travel down it. Slower now since Lyndon is priority #1. That's just it, I love working with children, but the sense of duty to nurture a child that YOU are the parent of is stronger than any I've known.

Look at this sweet face.

How can I not want to do everything in my fiber of being, every talent & gift that God has bestowed me, to try & help this precious life grow into the glory that God created? Yet I feel strongly that COMMUNITY is key. I want to nurture him. And nurture others~ cousins, nieces, nephews, children of friends, children of my city. I want to live giving myself & lending my help to any child placed in my "orbit." Erikson would deem this part of the stages of life. We hit a point when preserving & protecting posterity gives us the fullest since of purpose.