These Will Become Rare, I Suspect

Yes, the blog may be quite bare over the next few months. Grad school is now in FULL swing & is already kicking my booty. On paper it does not look like I am taking many hours, but if one of those lovely courses has "Practicum" in the title--you can go ahead and skip DVRing most TV shows you once loved cuz ya just won't have time. :)

I was already overwhelmed, then I went to Stats class and found yet another large assignment in my possession. Mix that with an anxious student sitting beside that basically wanted me to write both my & her paper. My first instinct in those situations is to try and offer immediate help. But when I got back to my mom's house to pick up Lyndon (God Bless Grandma a million times over!), I had my own mini-breakdown. So much to do, so little time, so much heartache in having to leave Lyndon to go work.

Oh, full-time working mommas, I don't know how you do it!!

It leaves me with inner turmoil. On one hand, thank you to the 60s & feminism & equality & all that jazz. On the other, have we painted ourselves into a (foul-smelling) corner of the room? We know in many ways we are just as capable as men. It's been proven (do not refer to Palin for that token of proof, readers). No, it's been proven by the thousands of women who care for us as doctors, lawyers, teachers, accountants, bankers, Realtors, CEOs (I mean, if they can care for you...), nurses, chefs. But if it is at the expense of nurturing future generations.....what is it all worth?

I am NOT saying that a man can not be a SAHD. (If you don't know my acronym, do some internet research or read a mommy blog or two). Yes, they can. There may come a day when Tanner does just that. But nursing....ah, nursing. Despite the colorful stories of male lactation, we know it's truly meant for the fairer sex. And, well, there are times when I just KNOW what my baby needs & it feels purely biological....a womanly instinct that can not be explained.

So I am at odds with modern society a bit. Give me the right to choose my career & ambitions. Give me the right to be a mommy. But have me try to sanely balance? That's what this semester will teach me above all else, I suppose.

Children

I've not blogged in a while. Not purposefully, I suppose just because life has ebbs & flows. The start of a new semester & new routine often get me preoccupied.

This semester I am taking a statistics class that for once does not totally intimidate me. I'll not bore you the details, but I'll only say the prof is so great at explaining things from the "ground up" that I don't fear falling behind. At least not yet.

I am also in the throes of my first "practicum experience," where we take what we've been learning and actually hit the pavement doing it. I feel these times are the absolute best ways to learn, far better than any classroom-- no matter how "high tech" it may be.

I am assigned actual cases of children that need assessment. My first one involves a family going through the uncertainty of homelessness. Talk about reality check. I've only met with the young boy once, but I already feel the repoire is there. He already asked me, "Are you my counselor?" Although I am merely there for a battery of testing that will take several sessions, I feel building a relationship of sorts is important. Not only to validate the testing procedure, but to just let him know that someone cares. Someone has his best interest at heart. It is, after all, why I want to remain in the realm of education...despite the new "hat" I am training to wear.

I go through phases of self-doubt. Is this what I want for the years ahead? Is this the best route for my growing, young family? Does this fulfill desires of purposefulness & growth? I can only say that the path feels right, so I will travel down it. Slower now since Lyndon is priority #1. That's just it, I love working with children, but the sense of duty to nurture a child that YOU are the parent of is stronger than any I've known.

Look at this sweet face.

How can I not want to do everything in my fiber of being, every talent & gift that God has bestowed me, to try & help this precious life grow into the glory that God created? Yet I feel strongly that COMMUNITY is key. I want to nurture him. And nurture others~ cousins, nieces, nephews, children of friends, children of my city. I want to live giving myself & lending my help to any child placed in my "orbit." Erikson would deem this part of the stages of life. We hit a point when preserving & protecting posterity gives us the fullest since of purpose.

New Backpack, New Semester

When my dear husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I truly couldn't think of anything tangible...the ideas that popped up: a candlelit dinner (that I don't even have to clean up!), a back rub, a pedicure, a night at a little B&B, a long bubble bath. :) But Tanner is a "gifter."

He enjoys picking out presents & prides himself on his good taste (which he definitely has). Being that my birthday has always fallen on the first week of school spectrum, it's usually a busy time & I never truly expect people to remember, let alone get me a gift.

However, I did think of something: I wanted a new backpack to go to class in for this semester (and the endless semesters to follow). And Tanner sure delivered! He got me an awesome one. He gave it to me one day early since I had class tonight.

Boy, getting back into the "school world" is weird after my summer home with Lyndon. I was honestly not too keen on the idea, but tonight wasn't so bad. This semester includes a brutal statistics class & an in-the-field experience (ie, practicum) and I think I will learn a lot. That is the great thing about school....you can never get too high on your high horse because you always find out that there are still so many things you don't know.

I suppose I found that out starting with the first day of kindergarten.

So Happy First Day to the kindergartens, the new college co-eds, the adults going back to pursue things (like almost-33 me), and everyone in between!!

Songs for Lyndon

I make up approximately 32 songs per day. They are not too creative. They are usually 'stolen' melodies. But I'd make up 132 if it means I get to see my little boy's big, happy grin. He absolutely LOVEs to be sung to. Here are two that pop up a lot in our repertoire:

~Sung to "Edelweiss":

Lyndon James, Lyndon James

Every morning you greet me.

Soft & white, oh so bright,

You look happy to see me.

Blossom of snow* may you bloom & grow,

Bloom & grow forever.

Lyndon James, (Hubbert-named),

Bless my baby forever!

*I didn't change the original lyrics here because Lyndon actually IS a blossom of snow...his Great-Grandma (my mom's mom) is Grandma Snow. :)

And another....sung to "We Love You, Conrad" from Bye Bye Birdie:

We love you Lyndon, Oh yes we do.

Mommy & Daddy, we both love you.

When you aren't near us, we're blue.

Oh, Lyndon, we love you!

Yup, so there's just a taste of my daily entertainment. ;)

OH, and when I'm not singing, I've got my nose buried in The Help. Already love how much more story & detail the book goes in to than the movie. Very powerful.

Help Me

There are so many thoughts I have from seeing "The Help" tonight...however, it's late & apparently there was a huge storm at my house while at the movie. Not to mention there are fireworks currently going off from our not-so-bright neighbors. As I wait for the cop cars to collect on my lovely little street, I'll say goodnight. :)

Cousin Camp!

Lyndon & I spent the last 5 days in Arkansas. Most of it was in Conway (my honey's hometown & current habitat of his eldest sis) but there were also trips around the area. Most pointedly, we spent one day in Scott, Arkansas, to visit sister Sunny's co-op farm & eat a burger at a famous (read, Man vs. Food has taken a challenge there) place called Cotham's. Had my sweet little one not been suffering what we presume must be allergies, the weather been a tad more merciful, and --oh yea--this momma didn't suddenly have a mammoth fear of the giant bees she saw coming up to sting said little one.....we may have not gotten in the car to nurse. ;) We DID go see the hogs, baby pigs, and goats. But after that little trek it was off to the A/C in the car for us! We also spent the afternoon at sister Sunny's Little Rock home to celebrate cousins Jax & Jackson as they both embark on the grand age of seven.

Having a 3 1/2 month old did mean that we didn't participate in all the slated 'cousin camp' activities such as the water park and "dig for gold" outside, but I still felt we got the great end of the experience. A majority of the time was just about letting the 3-8 yr olds play together & nurture those special cousin bonding times while the grown ups cooked, talked, and just hung out. I loved it!

Tanner has 3 older sisters. All mothers of 3 children each. (that makes Lyndon cousin #10). And guess what? I love all 3 of those girls! They are 3 very individual, unique women. Yet I truly find things in common with each one. I love to talk music, pop culture, and gardens with Sunny, plus she has a great sense of humor. Joanna & I are both (former) teachers...and we both live in OKC so we see each other quite a bit. She goes above & beyond with offers to watch Lyndon & having us over for dinner. The eldest, Lani, is who I see the least but we always pick right back up where we left off. Until she began to homeschool, she worked as an OT so we love to talk developmental psych-ish kind of things. Not to mention her 2 teenage sons play violin & guitar, so she loves to bounce things in that realm off of me. I could go on & on with more commonalities, but the heart of it is that they treat me like a sister. I should've been nervous coming in as the first female in-law...women can be brutal!...but they never have, nor I predict never will, give me reason to feel like a second-class citizen.

If I try to look from their perspective, I suppose they instantly loved me when they saw how much I loved their brother. He is, after all, the 'baby' of 5 kids & I am sure some maternal protectiveness is warranted. But I suppose they "approved" of me long ago because my role with them fell into place quickly & naturally. That is the thing, though...they aren't the type of women that size people up too quickly. They take it as they see it & go with it.

Most of our conversations revolved around cooking, thrift shopping, kids, babies...

I am quite certain I've given them plenty of reason to think I'm strange...I am the Curl Girl, after all...but I just don't ever get treated like I am. ;)

I can't wait for Lyndon to grow up with all their kiddos.

I am so very grateful for 3 wonderful new sisters!!

Thursday night, Tan & I took the turnpike to Tulsa for some tunes (sorry, alliteration gets me every time). We saw his #1 favorite singer/songwriter, Josh Ritter. I really like him, I do...but the thought of leaving baby somewhere overnight AND being in a different town was a stretch for me. However, I trust & know sis-in-law Joanna so well that I dare say she knows how to take care of Lyndon better than we do. ;) After all, she is raising 3 wonderful boys of her own...doing it quite well. So why the fear? Just new mommy madness, I suppose. I bit the bullet & went. So glad I did! Not only did Lyndon stay the night in the greatest of care (with 3 cousins that were THRILLED to hang with him) but Tanner & I got to revisit some of those moments that occur pre-baby. Driving & talking about life, sharing music....it was great. Jo(anna) is a veteran momma and sent pics of Lyndon smiling to reassure me. :)

Friday was jam-packed: picked up Lyndon, met Gena for lunch, stopped to visit with Grandpa, met back with G at the mall...Lyndon was a doll & went along with all the adventure. Sure, there were fussy times (and gassy times). However, Gena swooped in like the momma bird that she is and insisted on calming the baby. She is a natural, I tell ya. Although in retrospect...I attribute some of his tummy troubles to me (stupidly) having wasabi on my sushi and some tabasco on my chicken. Lisa, you are nursing...don't forget that when you are choosing what you eat!! I love Gena's kids.....Raegan & I enjoyed piecing together Lego people and Greyson had fun sneaking up on me. Greyson is such a sweet kid & sets a great example of the kind of little boy I hope to raise.

Tonight I played a gig that can often be annoying: it's a pub in Bricktown (enter: DB alert!) but I love this gig because there is little set up (they have an already-set PA) and pays well. The owner is so awesome in how he treats local musicians. To my surprise, Tanner came strolling in only because Lindy agreed to watch Lyndon for a while. The gig ended up being fun. Sure, the occasional annoying person that requests the same song (over & over) due to alcohol consumption overkill. But others strolled in that were there for the music, my music. That is something always so refreshing & humbling. Seriously, it's one thing to say it...but people who want to support your artistic endeavors are important. I may not be looking for a record deal, or even trying to play at the best places 'round here (anymore)...but I still love to get hired to share songs. How can a gal complain?

After the gig, Tan & I kept Lindy out much too late discussing dating/marriage and theology. I love when my husband and my lifelong friend can have deep discussion. It means the world to me. Lindy is such a wise soul, as is Tanner, and listening to them bounce ideas to and fro is enlightening to me.