cleaning

Yes, today I had the 'luxury' of having a free day to clean. I didn't get really far, but the kitchen was spotless, some (a little) laundry was folded, baby shower gifts ready & wrapped, and had dinner planned. Just call me Lisa Cleaver! Speaking of little wifeys, I did most of my 'cleaning' on the computer (lots of old documents wiped off) & came across some vows I had written. I totally forgot about these! I was probably in the midst of wedding planning & needed some comic relief. It is semi-mature content, and while I run the risk of a few young ones reading it, I am pretty sure Gena & Jenn are my only readers. And, even though I am a firm believer in trying to keep web content clean--thus my FB page & blog are always written with the kids in my life in mind--I will preface this excerpt with a newsflash: I've had sex. And if that shocks you, better ask mom or dad where babies come from. ;) Ok, the 'original' vows I wrote last spring:

I DO, AT LEAST 97% OF THE TIME:

VOWS OF A REALIST BRIDE

~I pledge to start the coffee in the morning, at least if I'm the first one out of bed in the morning. And I'm not running late for work. (It'll happen about twice a month, ok hon? Coffee's in the freezer, filter's on top left shelf).

~I pledge to shave my legs prior to sex at least once a month. But can we do a trade off here? I mean, come on, a scruffy face is so hard to work with during make-out sessions. You can seriously avoid my legs if you get creative....

~And while we're on sex, I vow to wear pretty lingerie every now and then. Guess I might as well get some use after the dirty shower my otherwise innocent friends threw me. But, babe, sometimes I'm gonna be in cut off sweat pants, my Young Life '97 sweatshirt, and mismatched socks. Just think of it the same way you do your beloved books: For the best ones, the cover is often way, way off base as to the content.

~So while we're visiting the status quo vow rhetoric, let's talk about “for richer or for poorer.” First, tell me what woman doesn't get a leeetle excited when she imagines loving her husband “for richer?” (Hey lady, you are lying if you just said you “honestly didn't care”). Yeah, I'm gonna love you either way, truly. But, honey, I have a feeling my love will be just a teensy bit sweeter if you are stashing away dough to help pay off my Masters Degree (that I probably won't ever get around to using) and to get Jimmy Jr. into an Ivy League. And for that vacation to Bermuda. Heck, for that cottage home in Bermuda. I love you.

~I pledge to support you as your life partner, your confidant, your friend. However, NOT as your cohort to that awful sci-fi/action flick that a studio just shelled out $80 million to produce. $80 million!! You know how many clean water projects could be generated in Africa? Ok, I know that is not your fault, you'd totally give $80 million to Africa if you had access. (**um, see previous vow before you do that...) I just would rather see that mindless chick flick at the auditorium next door. Call your brother, he misses you already.

~I vow to love your dog like she's my own. I guess she's mine now, too. I do not, however, vow to sweep up her hair after every indoor visit she gets to have. Vaccum's in the closet, to the right.