This Would Be Me With or Without the Hormones...

So, Tan & I ate dinner in front of the TV tonight. I can't lie, we do it a lot lately. I'll go ahead & further admit our guilty pleasure & say tonight's fare alongside the turkey lasagna (note: beef may be best left in lasagna): American Idol. Ok, I won't go on a big tangent to explain why I just don't get into American Idol. I loved that very first season & even got a bit emotional when Kelly Clarkson won many moons ago....but I just lost interest after that. (Kinda like the interest I lost in Glee after Season 1...another time, another time).

Yet tonight American Idol was quite intriguing because of the structure. It was a night when the 168 "finalists" had to sing with self-structured groups to get through the next round. It was interesting to watch the way so many 'strong' personalities came together to do this. Any that have been in a band, sang in a group, played with an ensemble know how that can be. Feelings easily hurt, clashes evolve, etc.

Ok, so fast forward to the heart-wrenching situation: a young boy (age 15) who is most likely already an "outcast" at school back home--but has a tender, sweet voice--is in a group of strong personalities. After hours of rehearsal, the group decides to ask him to leave for "pitch reasons." His off-key notes may be legit, the editing of AI--as usual--doesn't tell the whole story of course. But you just see his face fall as he tries to be strong & tells them, "That's ok, I'll find another group."

Another group finally takes him in & he literally has a couple of hours to learn a song he's never heard in his life. (add nerves & cameras to a situation like that, & I'm certain memorization is hard). Long story short, the group sings quite well, it gets to his part-- Jacee is his name-- and he just plumb forgets those words. He sings well, but just using lyrics that are obviously made up. The judges question it & the story of what had happened emerges. Then the judges have everyone step forward but him (usually a sign he is going to be cut)...and at the last moment they call him forward & say they all made the cut. Man, tears just instantly stream down his sweet face. The 5 or 6 seconds that he is standing in back, alone, while his "teammates" are all feeling certain they are going on without him---uggh, it is painful to watch. You just imagine that he is feeling that immense rejection all over again. His tears, it is revealed, are of such profound relief & gratitude that the judges kept him in. I was blubbering myself. Seriously, if you were watching, I don't know how you couldn't have been. This was not hormones, people! :)

My mind instantly turned back to 7th grade gym class. I'll never forget it. A classmate I'll call Larry was in my gym class. It was one of the few 'regular' classes he had all day--the rest spent in special education. He did not have Down Syndrome or another disability that is immediately obvious to most fellow students. Looking back as an adult (and a special educator) I would guess he had been under the LD label and was just a slow processor across many academic areas. Thinking back now, I am certain his socioeconomic status was a huge factor...he didn't ever appear to have many clothes and what he did have was worn.

On this particular spring day, Larry was wearing striped tube socks that went up to his knees, along with some worn shorter shorts. While today it'd be considered ultra-retro-hip (70s hippie for sure), in the early 90s...it was not a cool look to 13-yr-olds in Edmond, OK. And good ol' Rhett noticed. Man, I'm tempted to reveal the actual name of "Rhett." I mean, 4 people read my blog, only one of which graduated with me. And Rhett was brutal & snobbish & all those things that make middle school so very hard. However, I will not publicly slaughter someone for something they did when they were a 7th grader. My hope is that he's changed. A lot.

So, Rhett starts pointing & laughing at Larry, getting other "popular" guys in on it. Rhett was influential--definitely one of wealthiest kids in an affluent school, very good-looking, threw the cool parties. Kids joined in with him. My blood boiled so hot I still feel my fists start to clench when I recall that moment from so long ago. That split second when I saw Larry's face fall, almost like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do next...something happened in me. A creature formed. Almost a beast of sorts.

God bless my fiesty Grandmother Curl, I think I channeled her---I marched up to Rhett & told him off til the cows came home. In front of the jocks in the gym. I didn't cuss, but looking back I wish I would've. (Dang my conservative upbringing that still sticks with me in some weird ways). I don't remember how the rest of that moment went down--I talked to Larry a bit & told him to brush it off--but I do remember that most of the "popular" boys didn't give me the time of day the rest of that spring. Rhett was flat-out mean to me in science class. Come to think of it, I didn't really care much for or socialize much with most of them the remaining school years. There were exceptions, of course...grew up with & always thought just fine of Rob, and gotta love Justin (and neither of them were in my gym class). But I thought the lot of them were just a bunch of meathead followers, especially after the "gym incident." I didn't know why so many girls would trip over themselves trying to date some of those silly boys. I knew my music/arts friends were actually more fun.

And that feeling resurfaced in a flippin' American Idol episode tonight. But it reminded me--I think that moment in the gym of Cimarron was formative. Along with an incident that involved some guys that picked on my big brother when we were little...I felt this huge, compelling need to speak up & not let the bullies have the last word. I really do think these situations led me into special education. And now, lead me into what I am studying further in school. I can't go around telling off preteens in gym class-- I don't think-- but I can use my education & profession to try to advocate & help the students who wake up and DREAD--absolutely DREAD-- another day back in middle school.

I'm pretty sure R lives in LA & is acting these days. Of course, I don't know how that is going, obviously not too well or we'd see him on SOMEthing here in middle America by now...but in a land of severe fakeness...I have to hope that he isn't still the same jerk I told off in gym. Really, I hope he's not. I always wish good things for my fellow grads. Maybe he got a gig in an afterschool special about bullying. Heehee.