Tomorrow March Begins...

...which most likely marks the last (full) month of not being a mother. As in, April marks the first month of, yes, the beginning of a new era for me--- motherhood. As in, there will be a little life that I've been bestowed the God-given responsibility of teaching, loving, nurturing, comforting...wow, I could analyze this some more & make it seem like it is the most amazing thing on the planet.

But it happens every minute, every day, right?

Yet...it's still pretty much the most amazing thing on the planet.

As I write this, I watch my abdomen "roll" around & move on it's own. Yup, still pretty much the most amazing thing on the planet.

Tonight I had a tiny scare that really wasn't all that scary. I called my nurse to explain a few symptoms I was experiencing & she had me go to Labor & Delivery at the hospital just to have a quick test done to make sure there was not a rupture. I am 33 1/2 weeks, so definitely don't want to be starting the labor process just yet.

I went, called Tanner to keep him in the loop, got checked out...and I'm fine. I remained calm. This is good news for me. I am very anxiety-prone when it comes to my health. I am quite a nurturer when it comes to someone else experiencing a medical issue...when it comes to myself, I worry too easily. I am working on this. I've learned that it is probably because I lose a sense of control that I like to have. In somatic situations, I need to learn to trust more.

Yet today, there was a sense of peace. I knew that everything was most likely fine. I was just following my OB nurse's advice & taking care of my baby. Now I can sleep tonight knowing that everything is ok. Naw, I don't have all the baby gear yet, the room is not finished, still have some baby care & breastfeed classes, still not sure if I even CAN breastfeed, not certain about the financial details of everything before baby comes....but I know baby is growing just fine inside of me. And that makes all else irrelevant to this momma. Yup...this momma. I'm gonna be one of those. Weird!

Yeah, new life. It's pretty much the most amazing thing on the planet.

While We're on the Subject...

Speaking of underdogs & gymnasiums...felt like posting this video up that I will NEVER grow tired of seeing. Someone sent it to me 2 years ago & it still gets me every time. Sometimes when I begin to doubt the human spirit, I watch this. ;)

Ok, enough kleenex moments for a while, I promise!

This Would Be Me With or Without the Hormones...

So, Tan & I ate dinner in front of the TV tonight. I can't lie, we do it a lot lately. I'll go ahead & further admit our guilty pleasure & say tonight's fare alongside the turkey lasagna (note: beef may be best left in lasagna): American Idol. Ok, I won't go on a big tangent to explain why I just don't get into American Idol. I loved that very first season & even got a bit emotional when Kelly Clarkson won many moons ago....but I just lost interest after that. (Kinda like the interest I lost in Glee after Season 1...another time, another time).

Yet tonight American Idol was quite intriguing because of the structure. It was a night when the 168 "finalists" had to sing with self-structured groups to get through the next round. It was interesting to watch the way so many 'strong' personalities came together to do this. Any that have been in a band, sang in a group, played with an ensemble know how that can be. Feelings easily hurt, clashes evolve, etc.

Ok, so fast forward to the heart-wrenching situation: a young boy (age 15) who is most likely already an "outcast" at school back home--but has a tender, sweet voice--is in a group of strong personalities. After hours of rehearsal, the group decides to ask him to leave for "pitch reasons." His off-key notes may be legit, the editing of AI--as usual--doesn't tell the whole story of course. But you just see his face fall as he tries to be strong & tells them, "That's ok, I'll find another group."

Another group finally takes him in & he literally has a couple of hours to learn a song he's never heard in his life. (add nerves & cameras to a situation like that, & I'm certain memorization is hard). Long story short, the group sings quite well, it gets to his part-- Jacee is his name-- and he just plumb forgets those words. He sings well, but just using lyrics that are obviously made up. The judges question it & the story of what had happened emerges. Then the judges have everyone step forward but him (usually a sign he is going to be cut)...and at the last moment they call him forward & say they all made the cut. Man, tears just instantly stream down his sweet face. The 5 or 6 seconds that he is standing in back, alone, while his "teammates" are all feeling certain they are going on without him---uggh, it is painful to watch. You just imagine that he is feeling that immense rejection all over again. His tears, it is revealed, are of such profound relief & gratitude that the judges kept him in. I was blubbering myself. Seriously, if you were watching, I don't know how you couldn't have been. This was not hormones, people! :)

My mind instantly turned back to 7th grade gym class. I'll never forget it. A classmate I'll call Larry was in my gym class. It was one of the few 'regular' classes he had all day--the rest spent in special education. He did not have Down Syndrome or another disability that is immediately obvious to most fellow students. Looking back as an adult (and a special educator) I would guess he had been under the LD label and was just a slow processor across many academic areas. Thinking back now, I am certain his socioeconomic status was a huge factor...he didn't ever appear to have many clothes and what he did have was worn.

On this particular spring day, Larry was wearing striped tube socks that went up to his knees, along with some worn shorter shorts. While today it'd be considered ultra-retro-hip (70s hippie for sure), in the early 90s...it was not a cool look to 13-yr-olds in Edmond, OK. And good ol' Rhett noticed. Man, I'm tempted to reveal the actual name of "Rhett." I mean, 4 people read my blog, only one of which graduated with me. And Rhett was brutal & snobbish & all those things that make middle school so very hard. However, I will not publicly slaughter someone for something they did when they were a 7th grader. My hope is that he's changed. A lot.

So, Rhett starts pointing & laughing at Larry, getting other "popular" guys in on it. Rhett was influential--definitely one of wealthiest kids in an affluent school, very good-looking, threw the cool parties. Kids joined in with him. My blood boiled so hot I still feel my fists start to clench when I recall that moment from so long ago. That split second when I saw Larry's face fall, almost like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do next...something happened in me. A creature formed. Almost a beast of sorts.

God bless my fiesty Grandmother Curl, I think I channeled her---I marched up to Rhett & told him off til the cows came home. In front of the jocks in the gym. I didn't cuss, but looking back I wish I would've. (Dang my conservative upbringing that still sticks with me in some weird ways). I don't remember how the rest of that moment went down--I talked to Larry a bit & told him to brush it off--but I do remember that most of the "popular" boys didn't give me the time of day the rest of that spring. Rhett was flat-out mean to me in science class. Come to think of it, I didn't really care much for or socialize much with most of them the remaining school years. There were exceptions, of course...grew up with & always thought just fine of Rob, and gotta love Justin (and neither of them were in my gym class). But I thought the lot of them were just a bunch of meathead followers, especially after the "gym incident." I didn't know why so many girls would trip over themselves trying to date some of those silly boys. I knew my music/arts friends were actually more fun.

And that feeling resurfaced in a flippin' American Idol episode tonight. But it reminded me--I think that moment in the gym of Cimarron was formative. Along with an incident that involved some guys that picked on my big brother when we were little...I felt this huge, compelling need to speak up & not let the bullies have the last word. I really do think these situations led me into special education. And now, lead me into what I am studying further in school. I can't go around telling off preteens in gym class-- I don't think-- but I can use my education & profession to try to advocate & help the students who wake up and DREAD--absolutely DREAD-- another day back in middle school.

I'm pretty sure R lives in LA & is acting these days. Of course, I don't know how that is going, obviously not too well or we'd see him on SOMEthing here in middle America by now...but in a land of severe fakeness...I have to hope that he isn't still the same jerk I told off in gym. Really, I hope he's not. I always wish good things for my fellow grads. Maybe he got a gig in an afterschool special about bullying. Heehee.

Some Recap

Yeah, there were a few 'documentations' I hadn't gotten around to yet. And like many folks out there, you are getting a slew of blogs this week...because I've got nothing but time! This week I've cooked more meals for my hubs & I than ever (been fun!) and if I could get paid for the hours on facebook, I'd have the rest of my schooling totally taken care of. :)

So we are on day 4 of the Hubbert house hole-up. Tanner has a job that he can actually do quite well from home, so he technically has not had a "snow day." But I bet he thinks it's pretty nice to take itty bitty breaks to play with the dogs or what-not.

So last weekend (remember those high 70s and sunshine just last weekend?) Gena Marie & I drove to Tulsa. Yup, my friend is in the Tulsa Symphony & I tagged along for the weekend. She had Friday night & Saturday afternoon rehearsal for the Sat. night concert, so they put her up in a DoubleTree and she makes a weekend of it. Pretty cool friend adventure, eh?

And, you gotta understand, I used to be SUCH a traveler. Hotels were my second home! These days--wow, the pendulum has swung! Not because I can't necessarily travel (I could even fly up until 2 weeks ago according to the preggo books)...I just truly don't WANT to do much. Energy level definitely changes when ya got a little developing human in ya. My neighborhood walks and my trips to the 3rd floor at UCO are my excercise. But, yeah, I hadn't gotten outta town-- except for a family visit on Thanksgiving--since our June Honeymoon!

I sat backstage during her Friday night rehearsal. I gotta say, I met some eclectic folks back there! We dubbed one man Preying Mantis because he does all kinds of stretches & ya never know when he may just SPRING into action on his instrument. ;) At one point I went and sat out in the concert hall to listen. There were 2 other people in the 'audience' with me in a room that probably holds 1500. It was a very cool setting. The music was gorgeous--a latin twist featuring Quartet San Francisco. I ended up moving up a few rows because I think baby dug it!

After that we just came back to our posh room and Gena wistfully caught up with her kiddos who had just attended their first Thunder game in OKC. (I am sure this gig she has can be bittersweet).

Saturday afternoon Gena rehearsed more while I lounged at the hotel. I also got some of a paper done, but mostly lounged. :) There were some gorgeous walking trails out back, and it WAS beautiful that day (gee, I look outside at the ice & snow right now and can hardly believe this was just LAST weekend!) so I played around outside for a bit.

That night, we arrived at the Performing Arts Center early, Gena went on to her backstage call and I killed a bit o time at the hoppin' sushi place that is right near the concert hall. It was a long wait just for a California roll & seaweed salad (nothing raw these days, folks), but it was fun. I talked to a very nice yet jet-setting couple who had 3 kiddos; she saw my belly and wanted to talk preggo with me.

Ok, so eat my Japanese fare, walk into the Art Center lobby, take the descending steps to get to my seating area...and as my foot hits that last step...I just eat it. Hard. I topple to the ground, my purse flies outta my hand, and I'm suddenly a crumple of mess on the floor. The two older ladies behind rush to me, "Are you okay, dear?" And they help me up and then realize that I am pregnant. So then, of course, they are rushing me to a little bench & the female ushers near by are checkin' on me. I am sucking back tears---I realize at first that they were mere tears of humiliation, then they become tears of fear: "Did I hurt baby Hubbert?" "Do I need to let Tanner know?" I am flooded with thoughts. It is then that I realize that I didn't land on my belly at all, thank the heavens. See, both my knees were pretty scuffed up, and my palms hurt, so I know I caught myself before any belly met the floor. Phew! My abdomen didn't hurt at all....but, boy did my pride!

The thing is, I didn't trip ON anything. Literally, my left ankle just decided it didn't wanna work anymore. It just gave out! I actually had to sit and rotate my ankle for a few minutes to make sure it was ok because it hurt like a banchee. I was clumsy before gaining extra weight on my frontside, but seems like I am now more clumsy than ever.

I finally assured the women I was okay and then realized that I actually needed to take the elevator anyway, so I stepped in and it was then that I cried. I just suddenly wanted to talk to Tanner. I knew I couldn't call Gena, as she was taking the stage at that very moment. :)

I made a mental note that I would walk out of the first act just one song early so I'd have plenty of time to call Tanner during intermission. As I heard the beautiful strings and brass, my nerves finally calmed. It took about 2 pieces in to feel ok. After calling Tanner at intermission, I got back to my seat before it was over & talked to a nice older man whose granddaughter was the harpist. (is that how you say it?)

All was well.

So, the night was saved, the trip was, overall, very relaxing & just what I needed. I don't get around much these days & I am certain that was my big road trip until at least June! So, thanks, Gena, for dragging along your pregnant, clumsy, emotional, boring friend! You don't know how much I needed that!

Hey, Happy Chinese New Year!

Yup, it's midnight & only because I have a few near and dears that honor the Chinese Lunar Calendar...I know a few of my friends are currently toasting their bubbly & wishing in the "new year." Awesome!

I will end this day quickly with a 'grateful' list:

I am grateful for...

1. hot, running water

2. hot husband...who goes under the house 4 times in subzero temperatures to fix a pipe problem & never complains once. oh, AND it worked! yeah!

3. dear friends that I got to spend a lot of time chatting with on the phone today. we rarely do this in our busy lives...but today there was a collective sigh & a lot of fun telephone banter. texting & facebook do not compare :)

4. love. i feel love in my life on many levels, from unborn children to family to spouse to friends to students to neighbors. love is great.

And I close by saying Tanner & I just did something really odd but fun. He's been out in the (detached) garage doing some laundry, playing with our doggies, AND watching a movie (yes, it's an official man cave out there). Being that I am not stepping FOOT near the ice as long as I'm carryin' a baby...I called him to tell him something quickly. I am certain it was some mundane, married domestic thing...I can't even recall it now. And for some reason, we just started having a wonderful conversation. It was about life, family stuff, childhood stuff, space, psychology. I mentioned that it suddenly felt like we were dating again; I even felt a few little butterflies. He said some very sweet things about some of the thoughts he had while we were dating. (I think I blushed once). And, ladies, once the guy officially 'has' you and he's no longer trying to 'chase' you with sweet nothings...it feels very amazing when they share these sort of things. You know they are 100% coming from the bottom of his heart. Pretty awesome.

I think we talked for 45 minutes until he finally came inside & we hung up our respective phones to laugh. I think 2 straight days of being literally "trapped" inside together is not supposed to leave you feeling giddy about your spouse. Especially when you have financial woes, crazy hormones, frozen pipes, and uncertain weeks ahead.

Whatever we are doing right, I want to hold it close. This is nice.

G'night. :)

How Many Bloggers Today?

Surely there are tons o' blogs being written as I type this. Day #1 of shut-in/blizzard is always full of activity...Day #2 often finds people with too much time & cabin fever! Now, that may be different when you have kiddos, I wouldn't know. My kiddo spends every day the same--swimming in my placental ocean, doing his karate routine, and lots of sleeping. ;)

I've got lots of documentation to do in the form of prose: I wanna talk about Tulsa with Gena, crazy weather patterns, pipes freezing, pregnancy woes (if only for my OWN reading, not you dear friend), oooo and pregnancy announcements from TWO fabulous friends. But I have another story I'm itching to write at this moment.

Funny, as I look out the window at the sea of white & listen to the sink water run (in a valiant attempt to keep the ONE pipe we still have in tact from freezing)...I start this blog with a tale about one of last week's gorgeous, spectacular, sunshine days.

It was last Thursday. I know this because I was leaving UCO, getting out of my 12:30 class. It was so gorgeous that I thought my heart would burst. I was sad that I didn't think to have the convertible that day, but a substitution (that is not nearly as awesome, mind you) was cruising home in the Forerunner with the sunroof open. I took a few 'back roads' through the most gorgeous area of Edmond--old homes just south of the campus. It was just the kinda day when 15th St, Boulevard, 2nd St...none of those would do. Besides, it's always nostalgic to go through the "Rankin" area: I grew up on Rankin (further south), my wonderful kindergarten teacher still lives in the same house (I think! Not certain in the last year), and I pass my old school, Central Mid.

So, I wasn't very far in my neighborhood nostalgia when an adorable little mini-schnauzer caught my eye. He was light brown & only had on a small flea collar...and he was running like the wind amongst the trim little lawns. After witnessing my friend Sarah doing a dog rescue in her own neighborhood the day before (for a blind man, it turned out!)...I knew I had to pull over.

He wouldn't come to me, but instead started running like he actually had a destination. Sure enough he did: he ran up a little ramp at a cute white house & plunked over it into the backyard. Now, logically you'd assume it was HIS yard, but just to be certain...I rang the bell to tell them about their backyard bandit.

An older woman--probably 70ish--answered the door with a piping hot cup o' coffee.

I cut to the chase so I wouldn't scare an elderly person. :)

"A cute little brown doggie just jumped into your backyard. Thought you should know he was down the street earlier."

She smiled: "Oh, that Angel. He's a rascal. Would you like to join me for some coffee?"

(she didn't skip a BEAT with this invitation)

Normally, I promise you I'd say some lame line & decline. I mean, really, who does these sorts of things? Maybe it was the brilliant sunshine, maybe it was the enticing smell of her coffee...but I said, "Well....sure!"

And we were soon in her little quaint kitchen pouring me a cup.

I immediately told her (in a bit of a parental tone, as I am practicing that these days...):

"It's a good thing I am safe since you just let me in your house so easily!"

She just giggled, "I am not worried, God always watches out for me."

(I won't digress in explaining how I feel about this theory...)

Anyhoo, we sat in her little living room and talked about everything--UCO, the economy, God, her hard-of-hearing husband, her blind daughter who lives with her, my future baby, the changing life of Edmond, the neighborhood. We never ran out of conversation.

And while I was able to determine she is probably a tad "off" (just a smidge, nothing major, probably a slight dementia thing)...I truly had one of those moments I felt God was showing me. No, I'm not going to go sing at her church she quickly invited me to :)...and I probably won't read all of her email forwards (yes, I gave her my "good" email address & soon after learned that she likes to send "Christian email" forwards that she gets...ay karumba). But I found something so magical & awesome about the whole encounter. She soon asked if I'd come back to have lunch with her after a class one day. Oh, and she wants to make a baby blanket for my little boy. (See? Isn't that all a bit much for someone who just showed up at your door?)

But the mystical, idealistic Lisa loves these sorts of things & doesn't regret for a moment that I took her up on her coffee invitation.

It makes me smile just to reflect upon it.

Wow, I did it!

My first goal of my minimalism experiment was going one full week without spending money on anything but essentials--- gas for the car, milk, butter, bread, veggies, & eggs. And I did it! I even allowed myself to make an exception for school materials, but found someone that can loan one of my textbooks--so that was $70 not put on the credit card!

So yesterday being the "goal" date-- I decided to go get a few more groceries so Tanner could actually open the fridge & see more than just open shelf space. ;) Now we have some chicken breasts, homemade pizza goodies, and fajita fixins to get us through the next week. Ya know, for eating with what we already had this past week, I'd say we ate well. Lots of Mac-N-Cheese, nuggets, pastas, canned veggies, frozen veggies (that were just waiting to be consumed), rolls, soups. It was all stuff that truly needed to be used; without this experiment a lot would've gone unnoticed in the cupboard for another 6 months, and by then it would be expired.

I even baked homemade chocolate chip cookies one night when a sweets craving hit (in which I normally run to our corner CVS & get a Hershey's bar or something) because I had all the ingredients at home. Well----except baking powder. And though they tasted ok to get me through my milk/chocolate emergency that I seem to have nightly now, let's just say 1 teaspoon of baking powder makes all the difference in the world when it comes to the look & texture of your cookie! Funny thing is, a few nights later I decided to whip up some more dough....because more of my Nancy Drew cupboard sleuthing turned up an unopened box of baking powder--not even expired til April 2012!

I am no baker or Suzy Homemaker, so why I bought that baking powder in the first place is beyond me. Although, wish I'd read about it's multitude of uses prior to my first trimester--an opened box in the fridge supposedly significantly reduces food odors. And, boy, I could barely open our ice box the entire months of September & October without wanting to hurl. (and, again, that is with NO old food...just my olfactory overdrive).

So today after church, Tan & I ate out. Doggone it, we just got burgers to go from Carl's Jr, but that was a treat. (Teriyaki burger there is divine). We still had drinks & sides from home, but actually spending any money on the fast food industry of America to indulge in some rich, processed burgers was our little treat. Not a drop of guilt here, considering before this week, I was running by a drive-thru, deli, cafe, or coffee shop about 6 times a week (in my guesstimate). I kept chalking it up to school schedule, being in Edmond & too far from home to cook, getting hungry while mid-errands & "baby needs a snack." Yea, all lame excuses. So...in February...I'm writing it here as I just think about it "out loud"....I'm considering a "spending fast" that lasts two weeks. Just thinking...