Thursday night, Tan & I took the turnpike to Tulsa for some tunes (sorry, alliteration gets me every time). We saw his #1 favorite singer/songwriter, Josh Ritter. I really like him, I do...but the thought of leaving baby somewhere overnight AND being in a different town was a stretch for me. However, I trust & know sis-in-law Joanna so well that I dare say she knows how to take care of Lyndon better than we do. ;) After all, she is raising 3 wonderful boys of her own...doing it quite well. So why the fear? Just new mommy madness, I suppose. I bit the bullet & went. So glad I did! Not only did Lyndon stay the night in the greatest of care (with 3 cousins that were THRILLED to hang with him) but Tanner & I got to revisit some of those moments that occur pre-baby. Driving & talking about life, sharing music....it was great. Jo(anna) is a veteran momma and sent pics of Lyndon smiling to reassure me. :)

Friday was jam-packed: picked up Lyndon, met Gena for lunch, stopped to visit with Grandpa, met back with G at the mall...Lyndon was a doll & went along with all the adventure. Sure, there were fussy times (and gassy times). However, Gena swooped in like the momma bird that she is and insisted on calming the baby. She is a natural, I tell ya. Although in retrospect...I attribute some of his tummy troubles to me (stupidly) having wasabi on my sushi and some tabasco on my chicken. Lisa, you are nursing...don't forget that when you are choosing what you eat!! I love Gena's kids.....Raegan & I enjoyed piecing together Lego people and Greyson had fun sneaking up on me. Greyson is such a sweet kid & sets a great example of the kind of little boy I hope to raise.

Tonight I played a gig that can often be annoying: it's a pub in Bricktown (enter: DB alert!) but I love this gig because there is little set up (they have an already-set PA) and pays well. The owner is so awesome in how he treats local musicians. To my surprise, Tanner came strolling in only because Lindy agreed to watch Lyndon for a while. The gig ended up being fun. Sure, the occasional annoying person that requests the same song (over & over) due to alcohol consumption overkill. But others strolled in that were there for the music, my music. That is something always so refreshing & humbling. Seriously, it's one thing to say it...but people who want to support your artistic endeavors are important. I may not be looking for a record deal, or even trying to play at the best places 'round here (anymore)...but I still love to get hired to share songs. How can a gal complain?

After the gig, Tan & I kept Lindy out much too late discussing dating/marriage and theology. I love when my husband and my lifelong friend can have deep discussion. It means the world to me. Lindy is such a wise soul, as is Tanner, and listening to them bounce ideas to and fro is enlightening to me.

A Journal of Record

Just to record a few things worthy of account.....hmmm, nothing particularly noteworthy, but what are the moments worth remembering?

~Kaitlyn was home for a short visit this weekend, so Lyndon & I went to see her today. She hadn't seen him in a month, so she was surprised to see his wide, happy, reactionary grin. It's fun to be reminded of the milestones when someone sees him after a long absence.

~I am on the verge of maybe being inspired to write a song or two. I'll have ideas, but then dirty dishes or grocery trips lure me since the chance to pursue those mundane tasks are rare. But maybe I'll make time for music this week!

~Speaking of music, this weekend was the annual Woody Guthrie Fest. For the second (or third?) year in a row not only did I not participate as a performer, but I didn't go. The idea of being in the smoldering heat conquered the thirst for creativity yet again. Wonder what will win out next time 'round?

~We had fun yet again celebrating buns in the ovens in our 'music circle.' Jenn & Laura are both close to meeting their baby girls. We took a group picture of the kiddos. There are SO many now! And that was with Gena's little ones even gone! (she was rocking out with Richard Marx down south). And the announcement of Carrie's baby on the way. Plus we mustn't forget Sarah's twins. These group pics are about to get huge!

~Tanner & I are pretty darn good about Lyndon's bedtime routine (if I can toot the horn). Bath, diaper, prayer, song, leave...we do it every night. Yet tonight, while watching a TV rerun of "Four Weddings & a Funeral," little boy crashed out in my arms. I didn't wanna put him to bed, just wanted to hold him like that for a while. Gotta love & savor those moments! I'll trade the routine to have that once in a while. ;)

~Aforementioned movie reminded me that I want to explore more British TV shows. We don't have cable, thus no BBC. And the PBS British shows just don't hook me, they actually kinda depress me. :) So, a little google followed by a little Netflix...voila! I've got a few series in my que to check out now. I'll write about any I thoroughly enjoy.

~I used to pride myself on having little to no TV addictions. That changed when I realized that a) nursing quit hurting & I decided to stick it out longer and b) the only way it works really well is lying down, thus we do 99% of our feedings in bed by the TV. With Netflix & DVR, the boobtube (ha, great pun!) is my new playground. Though DVR causes instant reflexes to hit 'fast forward' even when you are watching real-time television.

~In reference to TV controls, I wish there were a 'pause' button on summer. No schoolwork, no job (paid, that is), no place I gotta be with the exception of a gig or two and a few lessons. I enjoy the simplicity. I don't know if my brain gets challenged too often, but can anything replace learning about caring for a little one? Mundane but important. I try to remember the bigger picture: this won't last forever & some say I will yearn for the day again. Someday, God-granted, I'll be finished with my current line of study, waking up for work, sifting through papers in my office, and wondering if little Lyndon is having a good day at school. Wondering if he'll like the note I packed with his lunch admist the flurry of the morning rush.

Fragments of Friday

Truly, this is fragments:

~can't quit peeking on little boy. i know he sleeps & grows, but I just want to SEE it. he is so sweet.

~i tried to meet up with a friend today & my timing was off. i got there too early and lyndon was fussy. i knew i had to get home. good thing my friend is a mom and she gets it!

~another friend of mine does not have her own children yet, but she gets it. she has the biggest heart and has offered to watch bambino tomorrow night while tan and i go out. what should we do?

~then there's g, who has a family...not to mention she is a rock star. she offers to rock baby while i run errands all the time. you are too good to me! you make mommyhood look so effortless!

~i do have dreams outside of mommyhood. i want to finish the masters program i started. i want to write a few more songs. but, honestly, being a good mom to lyndon (and a great wife) top it all. i never knew that til i had those boys in my life.

This is why journaling is really, really great...

I decided to skim over a computer journal I kept from the years 2003-2008. Wow, there were some great times, then others not-so-great. I am glad I recorded both. Here is part of an entry from 2006. It was in the wake of a lot of spiritual growth that I still credit to helping me onto my path today. I thought it was great to go back & remind myself of these thoughts since their original days:

I sure don’t think I’m perfect. But I also don’t think I’m trash. I think I’m special. Yet I think I’m a single petal on a brilliant flower and am not that great on my own. That is the beauty in belonging to God. We come to Him imperfect and needy, yet He makes us amazing angels of light and truth. We can glorify in that. Yet we can also still see that it’s not a one-stop shop…we don’t just go in for a shiny new paint job. We constantly need repair, rework, reminder, and reapplication. There is beauty in that.

Every day is a new day. I can start over every time the sun rises. This is a good thing. There would be an overwhelming sense of hopelessness if that weren't the case. Now, this is tricky…others may not let you start over. You can wallow in that sense of rejection, resentment and really start disliking yourself. But anyone who is a true friend knows what Grace is. Thank the Lord that He invented it! Anyone in your life that is practicing Grace with you…is doing it to receive Grace as well.

I am thankful that I can revisit these thoughts & still find them to ring true!

bloggin...should be joggin

A recent post I read rang to the tune of: Blogs make me feel bad about myself (not cool enough, not thankful enough, not inspiring enough).

I want to tell her that many of us who blog are merely just journaling for our own benefit. Beit narcissim for the fact that it's online, but it's just the current way many of us journal.

I know I have 3 readers. I probably have 5 if you add in the people that don't comment. But that is not the point for me. I don't sit down with pen & paper anymore. This is the only way I take the time to record certain points of life.

Perhaps back when many of us journaled in an actual journal, or wrote it on Microsoft Word, we truly wrote it as an historical record. But even then--didn't you journal knowing that you could suddenly die & have it discovered by thousands of curious eyes? (ie, you wrote to an 'audience').

That being said, the short times I spend blogging could be spent exercising, folding laundry, grocery shopping. However, I like to stop and faintly reflect on where I am at & what is going on.

For example, today Lyndon & I met Lindy at Zorba's for a yummy lunch. She just loved holding him & basking in his sweet smiles. I could not help but be the adoring mother, taking in every moment.

I want to remember those moments. I've been told they pass quickly.

Thus, a letter to Lyndon...#4:

Dear Lyndon,

You were so sweet today at lunch with Lindy and during mommmy's sudden need to find flattering clearance-rack clothes at Target. You just smiled, cooed, and slept during a jaunt around town. I know I won't have these moments with you forever, so I try my best to savor it all. Even the moments you start crying because it's time for some milk! But even those moments are sweet: We went to the Target snack bar for a bottle break & I ended up conversing with a woman who showed me pictures of her grandchildren. She was out with an elderly woman via her job with a healthcare non-profit. At first, I was annoyed that she wanted to talk so much. (Toting a baby around opens you up to many unwarranted conversations). However, I soon enjoyed our conversation. There is an unspoken bond between women when it comes to little ones. We are "in the trenches" together.

And we love it. We may get tired. We may have spit-up on our shoulders. We may take bottle breaks.

But we love it.

You make my life so sweet!

Love, Momma

Laughter. Kid-Style.

Some of my favorite moments of laughter are when the 12-yr-old spends the night. I was giggling so hard about the Halloween costumes we were coming up with for her yorkie poo, Bear: Justin Bei-bear, Beary Potter (complete with a scar!), and other fun tidbits. We also misheard each other during a conversation, thus it led to a funny quip, and I could NOT stop laughing as we worked out the miscommunication.

As adults, the nature of humor changes. It often falls in categories such as:

1. political satire

2. sarcasm (usually mean-spirited)

3. "haha, I'm smarter than you so I get this joke" joke-- I don't know what you call that humor, those of you smarter than the average bear about the history of humor can fill us in...and then make a joke of that naure, of course, since we wouldn't be as smart as you anyway ;)

4. dirty/raunchy

Yes, sometimes satire & sarcasm regarding world views are funny. Sometimes adult wit is cool and just plain hilarious. But silliness trumps it all.

Point being, it's fun (and important) to just enjoy silly stuff! Laugh at totally corny words. Get tears streaming down your face over a misunderstood word you exchange with someone. Spend an hour joking about what Halloween costumes you can make for your pet. No crude implication, no vicious intent, no jab at anything/one, no elitist front required.

There are probably many adults that forget that.

I probably would if it were not for the times like this in my life.

Thanks, niece. :)

Friends

The concept of friendship changes as we grow older. Our commitments to family (hopefully) deepen and our time away from them becomes that much more precious.

I've thought about my friendships often. I feel so very, very blessed to have my friends. And, yes, some go deeper than others. It's only natural-- we can only divide our time so much.

There are a handful of friends I have that time & space never change. Some of them I acquired very early in life, others blossomed in the throes of adulthood. Some friends I see regularly, and even if not, it is as if time is not existent. We 'get' it--- we realize that babies, husbands, in-laws, jobs sometimes keep our time apart more lengthy than we desire. I suppose if I were to list that category it centers around the Stringent gals (with Gena being a sister much further back), Lindy, Laura, Kevin, Erin, Nova.

I also have friends that I don't see nearly as much but our place in life naturally begins to coincide and we find we have so much common ground. I think particularly of Julie, who I spent a lot of today with. We had our baby boys two weeks apart & although we were already kindred spirits, our new play dates have made appointments together a fun priority. However, we often have to cancel on each other because a baby is sleeping, one of us is just plumb tired...and we 'get' it.

I think about those friends I see at hit-or-miss times, but I know their heart enough to know that we are true friends. We may say, "Let's get together soon!" and then not see each other for two months. The intentions are true & there, but the responsibilities I mentioned earlier supersede. I think of Crystal, who I rarely see except when I stop & say hello to her in the Barnes & Noble music section. I grew up with her in church, tho never knew her much until we were adults. She is such a light & I value that little bit o time we have together ever-so rarely. I think of Michelle (who sometimes visits the blog!) and comes to gigs. I just get so much joy from our small encounters!

That is it say, I often carry guilt for not following up on a passing mention to get together. I need to stop carrying that guilt. I am a social creature by nature, though these days I often find I'd rather just be home with baby, working on his nursing/sleeping schedules and making semi-attempts to keep this house up. ;)

I love these people I "just see in passing." Heck, another good example is a former co-worker & I that ran into each other on the bread aisle at Target. Lyndon was peaceful in his stroller & it allowed us to have a wonderful "catch-up" for a few minutes. I ended by telling her that she needs to come over one day, but I realize it may not happen any time soon. It's not about disliking the company...it's just a matter of what we can realistically make happen.

I suppose the magic of Facebook (and the occasional gigs that allow me to see several wonderful folk at one time) sometimes make me feel like I must try to make time with those people. Did I mention I pretty much suck at checking/answering my phone? :)

I guess all this rambling is to say...I don't think these friendships are insincere. They just are what they are. They are the intertwined lives, often with shared thoughts, ideas, goals that encourage each other on life's journey. They are often a part of us tho we don't arrange times to hang out. I enjoy meeting people & sharing on life's journey. It may be sporadic, but it is important. Communal. Uplifting.

Thank you to the friends I have-- the friends that know me better than I know myself, the friends I bump into here & there, the friends that I barely know that just make me smile when I see them. And thanks for reading my ramblings. ;)