What Ya Think About While Ya Play...

We all have hobbies/activities that we've done so much that it can easily go on autopilot.  Jogging, sewing, gardening, ironing.  

For me, it's gigging.  There was a time & place in my life when I did it about 4 times a week.  Take 4 gigs, all lasting 3 hours a pop, and you eventually forget to actually think about the music. ;)  About 2 years ago, I stepped away from being so overly involved in it after a short stint in eating/breathing it; at first it was painful, on several levels.  Probably most obviously was the fact that I was admitting to myself that I wasn't 'meant' to be a musician as a full-time career.  And when you love it as much as I do, it really is hard to make sense of that.  

Yet there are so many more things to steady gigging, both locally and regionally, than the actual music playing.  Without digressing too much, I'll just mention the shameless self-promotion, the hours of cold calling venues, the money pumped into recording, the endless search for compatible music-makers, the fear that ya just may not make the money you need to comfortably pay your bills, the hours of self-employment wasteland (ie, you can sleep in but you are seriously wasting your valued time if you do), and the inevitable jerkwads you often have to wade through to find the genuine people that want to help you, no strings attached.  Hmmm, can you tell I flirted with this lifestyle for a while?; )

But I mention all of this to point out that the time I quit my "day job" and chose to focus on music was short-lived yet rewarding.  It became a blessing in disguise.  I only lasted about 3 months and gave into the urge to get back into the stable, predictable life of an educator.  Once I did that, after a year or so, music became fun again!  I appreciated the fact that this was forever a part of me; it wasn't something I ever really needed to 'give up.'

And, thus, I am at a place where I am regularly playing music again, even though I already have my plate way too full with other obligations.  But music is my soul; it is what makes all the other junk in life make sense.  

And tonight, during a three-hour gig, I caught my mind wandering.  The first half were thoughts of adversity:  "WHY do I even do this?"  I asked this & other miserable questions as 4 drunk guys continued to annoyingly call out awful cover songs & treat me as if I were their puppet on a string.  ("Here's $10...play some Skynard, PUH-leeeze?" "Lisa, we need you to sing __(song I don't know/never want to___   now, sister!") 

 "At what point did it come to this?"  I almost laughed to myself.  But any local, hardworking musician knows....sometimes it DOES come to this.  No matter how big in your britches you ever get.

However, once the Phoenix 4 (read: out-of-towners walking Bricktown, reminiscing their frat boy days & wondering what single life used to be like...) gulped their last drink & realized they were incredibly late for Mickey Mantle's reservations, a new vibe set in.   A few older couples milled around.  A table of subdued twenty-somethings whispered.  A woman bought my CD after telling me that she, too, was a special ed teacher.  

And I played the songs I love, the songs I wrote.  I sang & exposed my soul.  I covered Roberta, Norah, Beatles.  I did some kinda weird vocal percussion while I sang the blues.  I FELT the lyrics I belted.  And I had a blast.  And all those initial feelings of love returned.  

"Wow, THIS would feel wonderful if I could do this all the time!"  

"What is it like to play in a dark, hushed, crowded room, where people want to interpret lyrics & FEEL something?  Like this?"

"Man, I wish I had the guts to quit my job, school, everything...and do THIS."  (oh no, here we go....)

Ha.

I bring up my thought process while I am playing to say this:

You're never wasting time when you are bringing joy to someone...that includes yourself.  If growing up gets defined as consolidating the child-like excitement about certain things into a teeny, tiny compartment, only for use when social cues deem it appropriate...then I will pass on the maturity, thank you very much.

May I continue to feel passion about playing music for others.  It makes my life fun.

Nostalgia

While watching the hilarious pilot for the new show GLEE, I couldn't help but reflect on my high school show choir days.  I'd imagine that the tables have turned now (due to American Idol, High School Musical, and the internet magic of everyone-can-be-a-rockstar) but in the mid-90s it was still fairly uncool to go the show choir route.

I did try pom for a year--I think I balanced it with Act II (show choir) but our director was probably glad when I quit trying to be in every clique & submit to the fact that I was solely a "music girl" (aka music nerd).  I could quit asking to leave rehearsals early to cheer at the basketball games.  Thank God!   I'm glad I swayed that direction and shed ambiguity.  I did not prefer cheerleader skirts, I preferred gaudy sequin dresses and lipstick redder than cherry kool-aid.  I didn't want to go to keggers with the popular football players, I wanted to dance the night away at Follies after-parties with the music boys.  I didn't try to letter in track (ok, so I DO wish I'd been a leetle athletic now) but, boy, did I want to make All-State Choir.

While I'm not a musical theater gal now, the hours upon hours of learning how to sightread from hymnals, flashing jazz hands (I suspect those are forever a part of any show choir), getting stage directions, trying out for vocal parts, singing Alto in the choir, and learning how to do quick costume changes all gave me skills I carry with me to this day.  There's a sense of identity, confidence, and creativity that comes from high school show choir.  Yes, 4-part harmony to current Top-40 hits can sometimes be nothing but lame.  But, boy, did we think it was just about the best thing to ever be sung on Memorial's stage.  And we had a blast doing it.

Looking back, who knows what I would've been like without all those afterschool rehearsals and weekend productions?  I even contribute it to me being a good student in the classroom.  There was no chance I was going to let my grades slip & get kicked out of the talent show!   I am willing to bet being part of such activities really made a difference in my formative years.

Ok, so I was 'crowned' the Music Queen my senior year (or was it called Choir Queen?  I don't know, I digress), not the most sought-after title in high school.  At the time I probably thought it was silly to even have such a contest, and thought Lindy was so much cooler for getting Homecoming Queen.  But my 2 best friends & I were out to dinner the other night & chuckled when we realized something...the three of us all got 'titles' back at our high school in '96: Edmond Memorial Orchestra Queen, Homecoming Queen, and Music Queen.     

While I'm not going to go to my mother's house & dig through boxes to find my crown, put it on & procede to put on lots of mascara that I cry off wishing to turn back time to the "glory days"...I gotta say that it makes me a little sappy/happy/proud to say I was a part of the music nerds in high school.   Nerds rule!

I said yes. Double yes.

  Tanner's favorite slogan is, "We'll see."  I'm used to this after a year and a half.   "Do you want to go to that art benefit on Friday?"  "We'll see."  "Wanna move to Colorado someday?"  "We'll see."

So my 'alert' signal went up when he said that I need to keep Saturday open last week.  Hmmm, he's planning something.  Granted, it WAS my official birthday weekend, so not too alarmed, but of course the wheels were turning a little since he a) recently took my favorite silver band & kept it in his wallet   and  b) did a little ring shopping with me.  

At first, I inquired if we could go out for my birthday on Friday.  There was a musical in town for one night only that I thought sounded fun on Saturday.  Many talented peeps I know in "Rainbow Around the Sun."

However, he said it needed to be Saturday, so I smiled & complied.   Wonder if he's gonna..... ?

He went out with my brother on Friday night, and little did I know the final plans were being hatched.

Saturday, I had to be gone from the house from 4 to 6:30.  Again, hmmm.  So, mom & I went to a little Asian culture festival on Classen as well as a trip to the gigantic Asian market.  I showed her what Pho was (yum!) and she had her first Boba (sp?) tea, which I lovingly call Bubble Tea.  It was fun to run around, yet our time got a little intense as we were driving through Mesta Park.  Mom suddenly said, "You've gotta pull over!  Everything is spinning."  This scared me half to death because the last time this happened---last Thanksgiving---my mom had her first serious onset of Vertigo and ended up in the hospital for several days.  I'd never seen anything like it.  We couldn't move her at all without her vomiting profusely.  It was a crazy couple of days almost a year ago.

Luckily this time she did not go into that mode.   She relaxed for a few minutes; I tried to talk calmly.  "Mom, OU Health Sciences is nearby if we need to head that way."  She lay still for a while and slowly felt good enough to raise her head up & request that we get back on the road.  

I called my brother:  "Mark, mom can't drive home.  I am going to drive her.  Can you take me back to the city?"

"Yea, I was going to head there later anyway.  I was going to your house."

Hmmmmm.

Now, three things blew my theory of possible proposal.  1.  Mom had said all day when I implied that this may be IT, "Don't be disappointed Lisa.  Don't get your hopes up."  Turns out she knew nothing, but I figured she did & I listened to her advice.   2.  Mark said he was just coming down to play video games with Tanner, nothing unusual there.   3.  When Mark & I arrived at the house, Lindy & Kevin's cars were there.   So, the surprise was that Tanner asked some friends over for dinner!

Ok, so I got out of "engagement mode" and decided to just kick back and enjoy my birthday dinner.  And what a feast it was!  Kenny & Kevin work serious magic in the kitchen, and there were more delicious, homemade Asian dishes than you could shake a stick at.  Fun!

The meal was fabulous, and I couldn't quit trying all the delicious foods.  Yet at one point, Tanner said, "Save room for dessert!"

He went in the kitchen & brought out a small Asian-themed tray with fortune cookies (thanks, Laura, for all the cool dishes you give me!).  He had everyone open theirs one at a time, and each message was personalized.   I was last.  My heart raced at this point.  My stomach flipped.  What would mine say?

"Will you marry me?"

It's a blur, but I know I put my hands over my face because (for once!) I was speechless and shy.   Then Tanner dropped to one knee and presented a ring.  I jumped up and said YES.  Followed by an immediate run to the kitchen because I got very flustered!  He came back & we walked in together, all grins.  Everyone toasted & for about 30 minutes, I was still trying to soak it all in.  He did it, he caught me off guard.

The rest of the evening was followed with more toasts, several phone calls to family, a little live music, and lots of celebration.

I am thrilled to know that I am spending the rest of my life with my best friend, my confidant, and my true love.  Never say never, because I didn't think it could all make so much sense and fall into place so beautifully.  It was a natural step for us, and I think we knew it pretty early on.  There's no rush when you are with the right person because you know you are on the same page, walking the same path.  

I look forward to a future with Tanner, and I thank God that we found each other.

Summer is closing...but bring on the fall!

I just love the fall.  Something about the season change seems to bring a renewed excitement in people.  And though the leaves are still green and the sun is still shining, you can begin to feel it in the air.  Why, yes, sir, I do live in football=religion region of the U.S. of A.  But it is more than just that.

With routines back in tact, families seem to shift into new patterns, friends are more consistently back in town, and projects begin to ensue.

In my lovely corner of the universe, I am excited to work with the kids I have the honor of serving daily.  There are about 330 kids in our high school, and though only 32 are officially assigned to me, I make a point to know as many names as I can.  A friendly wave in the crowded hallway, a quick, "Havin' a good day?", a silly joke exchanged.  All these little occurrences are truly important.  I know I appreciated it when I was a confused, busy teenager.  I try to put my frame of reference there-- what was it like for ME?--and the rest seems to fall in place.  

I am a special education teacher, but I feel anyone working in a school is also a counselor, a mentor, an encourager, and a friend.

You know, in Japan a teacher is held in the highest esteem, even more than a doctor.  It's true.  I don't believe it is a coincidence that they also have a 99% literacy rate, as well as an almost non-existent homeless population.

Encourage the teachers, principals, counselors, cafeteria ladies, and custodians you know.  They are doing important yet often underestimated work with your children.  With your friend's children.  Your neighbor's children.

The community you save just may be your own.

August 24th

This date is a very special date for my father. It is the birthday of his late mother, and 31 years ago, it was the day before a child was born that was probably a little more than he bargained for---me. Yes, I was not an easy child to raise, and I acknowledge that now. I was stubborn, strong-willed, and always insisted on doing things the hard way. Still do, I suppose. ;)

I had every intention of calling my dad today just to see how he was doing. My grandmother has only been gone a few years, and I suspect that this day is still difficult for him.

However, I had to make a premature call when I realized that my tire was totally flat. I normally wouldn't even worry too much, but I couldn't miss class in Edmond today. Some quick action had to be taken.

My dad totally helped me out----as well as sweet Matthew at the Autobahn on NW 37th & Western (there's my plug). With a call to my professor to say I'd be late, I still pulled off attendance to two classes tonight.

Yet the true highlight came after class ended. Without going into too much detail, my two best friends really were there for me tonight. There was something very important that I needed to do, and they were there. Nothing in this world can replace true, unconditional friendship. It is what makes life beautiful.

My birthday season is off to a good start...

An eventful weekend comes to a close.

Friday morning, I had a small victory by not humiliating myself on television. I actually had a lot of fun! It was proceeded by a very busy day at my job, including a two-hour meeting with a parent. Things are in full swing there.

Friday night, Laura and I once again had SUCH a great time playing at Full Circle. We don't have anything on the books there for now, as they are possibly revamping the entire way they do live music come September. TBA. Just hope we still get included in the line-up now & again, as that is truly my "home" when it comes to sharing songs.

Saturday, many random errands---including a vain attempt to find a car wash some of my disabled students told me they'd be putting on at Lake Hefner-- and then off to play at the Bricktown Acoustic Festival. Fun times.

Sunday was a big family day. Quality family time, that is. My brother was awesome by offering to come and mow/weed eat both my front and back lawn. He did a FANTASTIC job. It was my birthday gift, and it truly was a very good one! While he was busy with that, Tanner was inside working on the bathroom renovation. It is a big job, as it has included knocking out walls and taking up over 50 years of flooring.

Admist all that chaos, my 16 month old niece, my mom, and I got in the kiddie pool. She LOVED it! Poor baby has a bad rash covering her entire body, and my sister has deduced it down to the fragrant new diapers they have been using. This becomes obvious when you see her incredibly red-speckled little hiney. Anyway, she enjoyed not only splashing in my pool (my little slice of heaven), but she helped me water my garden. Ok, she watered herself more, but that made for really cute photo opps. (soon I will work on photos here, just not yet)

I will say that I commend all you mommies out there because it is amazing how quickly something can happen that scares you, and you must be aware of everything constantly. Aubrey slipped while she was walking around in the little pool, and she was under in no time. It's weird, I know I pulled her up fast, but the whole scenario seems like it was in slow motion. Does that make sense? I don't know if babies tend to gulp in lots of water when that happens, but for about 2 seconds she was gasping for air after I pulled her up & it about scared me to death. What am I going to do someday when I am a mom? My biggest fear is a baby choking. I will probably be getting my CPR cert. every 3 months just for good measure. :)

I forgot to mention I had good quality time with the 10-year-old today as well. We read a book she picked out called "Schooled," about a boy named Capricorn that was raised on a commune with his grandmother, Rain. He is into yoga, gardening, playing the Beatles on guitar, and communal living. However, a broken hip forces hippie-grammy Rain to send him to live with friends & he begins public school, which is quite a shocker for someone who has never watched TV or eaten processed food. I was actually enjoying this young adult read, and Ryann would look at me & smile anytime there was a "hippie-esque" reference or a Beatles song played. I started realizing that she had picked this book out because she had wanted to read & discuss it with me. Maybe, just maybe, she may think some of these ideas are cool!

Finally, I think someone in my family has the potential of sorta "getting" me. That is a really nice feeling. Previously, I didn't think there was any chance. ;)

peace. happy place.

I knew to expect this, but I am already feeling the stress of this busy week. With teacher meetings from 8:30 to 4:30 everyday, there is little time to get things in order for my first week of grad school. I went to my first two classes last night-- Psychopathology, which I lovingly call Psycho, and Intro to School Psychology. The Psycho professor (ha!) is a brilliant man, I can already tell. After class he asked me if I was a musician, guess he'd caught it in the Gazette. He, too, plays guitar and I can tell I am going to really enjoy what he has to say about the state of the psychology field (which quite frankly is screwed up in SO many ways due to insurance, diagnosis, etc....and he shared a lot of research on this).

Anyway, here it is 5:30 am & I can no longer stay in bed because the mental "to do" list in my head keeps swirling 'round.

The other thing this week is the fact that I don't want to be too worn out for Friday. I will be performing on FOX news 25 on the morning show. I have to arrive at the studio at 7 am, so Thursday night band practice must be cut short. I am truly not one to love being on camera. Yea I know I am an extrovert, but my typical female body image insecurities come surfacing. However, I am determined for that not to stand in the way of me "being myself" and doing a good job in the interview. I am more nervous about the interview than the singing part. In a way, performance is something you can kinda "hide" behind, but a Q & A is off the cuff and intimidating. I will just be promoting the Bricktown Acoustic Festival, so hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to answer the questions!

Ok, gotta get going. Doing. Emailing. Working.

I know I should savor this time in my life when I HAVE the time...Gena, I know you've probably already cooked breakfast, doctored an injured knee, and broken up a toy fight. :) I truly don't know how some of the moms I know at school take classes, hold down jobs, and still be mommys. I do, however, think the mommy part is most important. But that is far off in my future, so I will press on with the tasks at hand.

Happy Tuesday!