It's not Monday, right?

Wow, it's been "one of them there days." I had a rough go of it this morning: couldn't find parking, very cold walk to class, elevator broken= waddling up 3 flights when I'm already late, cell phone going off in class when I SWORE I turned it completely off & teacher calling it out= humiliation, sciatic nerve starting to act up. Yeah, by lunch time I was in tears. I called my husband just to sob for a minute.

Then, lunch with sweet Julie helped lift me a tad. She even told me a story to help me feel better about the cell phone incident...she was taking a test in nursing school when her cell phone went off. Scrambling to get it off ASAP, she erroneously hits 'speaker.' So her friend on the line is going, "Hello, Julie? Julie, ya there?" for all to hear...and about 70 test-takers look up. Aw, poor girl, I would've just fallen into a giant hole in the ground. Or wish for that, at least. But we all have mortifying moments...I'll never forget strutting out of the neighborhood pool bathroom with toilet paper trailing outta my bathing suit. I was there being the mature, supervising aunt of my preteen nieces. I dove in that same pool & had my bikini top fall another day. Funny, they don't really need me to take them to the pool anymore... :)

Anyway, I was still emotional (tho a little better) when I stopped at Ross to return a few things in hopes of scoring just ONE cute maternity top. I thought I found it. It wasn't anything to write home about, but it at least looked semi-cute around my bump. I mean, it definitely looked "Ross-esque" but it wasn't covered in some loud, annoying print or anything. Then, I looked in the mirror. Again, felt hot tears well up. I'm just tired of being....big. And feeling so... not cute.

Wah, wah, wah, I know! Let's chalk up the moment as a tad hormonal & lack of good sleep. So, needing some positive feedback (I think words of affirmation go on my 'love language' list) I decided to round the corner & see what the Ross lady thought. "She'll make me feel cute!" my little brain thought.

me: "Do you like this top?"

her: "No. It's ugly."

me: "Ok."

She was older, probably 55 or so, & I actually liked her bluntness. However, 'twas not the reaction I was really going for. At that point the tears dried up & I just laughed. I laughed because I realized so many of my day's emotional moments were truly me being "in my own head." Our reaction to circumstance is much more powerful than the actual little unfortunate events. And I better get used to things not going according to plan. Something tells me mommyhood is nothing BUT unexpected delays, frazzled moments, and self-doubts. But at least once baby Hubbert is out of this belly, perhaps I can go shopping for a cute top again. : )